Colorless

Monday, September 11, 2006

Fairy Tale?

Everyone has a fairy tale he/she wants to live. It's not just kids, or blooming teenagers, or crazy girls madly in love with her prince charming.

Many girls would want a generic fairy tale love life (or life even, for that matter) whereby at a suitable age for falling in love, she finds a handsome (or cute) guy, with every aspect of a man she wants in him. And then he would also (coincidentally?) fall madly in love with her and find her the perfect girl, the girl of his dreams. And then he proceeds to sweep her off her feet with all the lovely things: buying flowers, bringing her out to romantic night spots, spending time with her anytime he's free, movies, shopping, cooking, playing, schooling, etcetera etcetera... to a point in life where everything is going so well, he's got his own business, she's completed her studies, and they'd wanna get married. And they did! And they have wonderful kids whom they love with their lives, and he works hard for the dough, and she spends all her time nurturing the kids to be just like their daddy. And they live happily ever after...

How beautifully painted...

But life isn't like that. Right, a couple falls in love. They do all the things a happy couple do, but there will be differences and they'll quarrel. And if they aren't able to compromise, they break up. If they can compromise, then they'll continue to live their happy pre-marital lives. At marriage, she wants to work, he wants to work (well, he has to work)... both become so tired everyday. One day, she wants kids... he gives her kids... She has to stop work; he has to work harder to compensate for a "comfortable" life. He doesn't come home till late and the kids area asleep & they never get to see him except for the occasional Saturday or Sunday when he doesn't get recalled for OT. She's neglected, she's lonely, she's worn out with the meddlesome kids, she resents him for throwing the responsibility of looking after the kids to her alone. They find a time to quarrel. Again, if they cannot compromise, they divorce. If they can, things manage to work out & they spend a peaceful life for the next year or so, and the cycle goes on & on & on & on & on & on... & on...

I have an ideal fairy tale to live out... but it's been marred... can't live it out anymore... =( What is it, u ask? Haha! U might laugh, but I'm gonna type it here anyways. =)

Sometimes I wish I were a girl (not too bad-looking one, preferably), and when my prime age for dating reaches, a guy whom I would swoon over would knock me off my feet (k, maybe sweep me off my feet would be better) and charm me with everything that he does, all the sweet thoughts, all the sweet actions, the small ones and the big ones, remembering seemingly insignificant details of my life and surprising me when I least expect it. And he would only have eyes for me... only loving me for the rest of his life. And I'd love him with all my heart & produce a litter of babies for him and look after them with sweet tender loving care, nurturing them to grow up to be just like their daddy. And as above, live happily ever after.

Well, the whole paragraph above is crap... coz I'm a guy. I'm supposed to do the sweeping-off of her feet. I'm supposed to love this girl only, with my whole heart. I would wanna be sweet & nice & loving to this girl. I would never want to make her cry. I would never dream of hurting her. I would want only the best (or the best that I can afford or achieve) for my sweetheart. I'd love giving her little surprises, remembering all the little details of her life, what she likes, what she doesn't, her friends, her family. I'd charm her, as well as her family and friends, so they all think well of me. And when I pop the question, there'd be no doubt about it at all. It would be me.

But hey, look at me now... I think I'm a mess. People tell me I'm so nice, so sweet, so gentle (hor?)... so caring, so understanding, so warm, so attentive (細心), so selfless. Whatever la... Even if I am all of these, it's like, to everyone lor. How will my special girl ever feel special? Because I treat everyone, so-called, "nice & sweet & gentle" blah blah blah... Because I treat people so affectionately.

"Stop it then!" some say. But how to stop? It's just me. Nobody wants people to dislike them. I'm like that too what... I would want people to like me... as many people as I possibly know. So I try to be nice to everyone. I try to include the excluded, I try to warm & soften a cold & hardened heart, I try to be there for everyone all the time, I try to keep all my promises, I try to remember itty-bitty details of people who are close enough to share them with me... I try & I try, but in the end, some girls end up falling for me coz they read the signals wrongly. And I end up falling for some girls coz I read their signals wrongly. There's so much hurt involved after that... And then suddenly I'm not that nice person anymore. I become, in people's eyes, a playboy? A flirt? Someone who just wants to get close to people so they'll like me & then I move on to another person (girl, in this case) and break her heart, only to make another one like me so I can break hers too.

Maybe I should stop being nice. Maybe my concept is wrong. People don't deserve all the niceness they don't not deserve also. Y'know what I'm sayin'? It's like, if it's of little or no trouble or inconvenience to me, I don't see why I can't or shouldn't do something if it makes someone happier, if it lifts someone's spirits, if it makes someone's day. I've lived all of my sensible life like that, and striving to be like that. Maybe I'm not that sensible after all. Hmm? Maybe I should be selfish & do things based on my convenience and happiness and benefit only...

"12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
14You are my friends if you do what I command."

-John 15:12-14

" 7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."

-1 John 4:7

Are my actions considered love?

Man, I really can stray... anyways, back to the topic.

So what's your fairy-tale? How do you live your life? How do you wanna live the rest of your life?

He shattered her fairytale. The hideous beast! If it be permitted, let him be tortured for his heinous actions!

Love me if you dare... 11:22
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