Colorless

Monday, January 01, 2007

Dejected...

Heys... =) *sigh* Tired...

K, firstly,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Yep! Haha! Couple of things to be thankful for the past few days:

Friday, 29th Dec 2006:
Kite-flying went quite ok. Though the kites couldn't fly (due, I suppose, mostly to my poor research into kite-design), those who came had quite an enjoyable time, I'd say. Yes? No? Especially when all of us got to decorate our own kites & get to bring them home. Haha! And the weather was terrific!!! No rain at all! GOD is so good can... =) Yay!

Saturday, 30th Dec 2006:
Lazed the whole day away reading & dozing, in between playing with Ian. Haha! Intended to bring him go shopping or something but ended up playing with his wooden blocks. =D Brought him home at night, and then spent the night at Shawn's place.

Sunday, 31st Dec 2006:
Churched, then had lunch with my Sunday sch class at MOS Burger at J8... haha! I'm comparing our age and the food we eat with the sec 3's class lunch, where they had Billy Bomber's a couple of weeks back. Haha! Oh wells... =) Anyways, played Captain's Ball awhile, not entirely exhilirating. Then went to 公公 house for a BBQ gathering. Haha! Yep, just ate & chatted & stuff... ok la. Rushed back to church at 10.30pm for the watch night service. We lit candles to the song "It Only Takes A Spark"! So cool! The whole congregation had a candle each & they turned off the lights of the sanctuary! If only I had taken a shot with my camera... it'd have been beautiful. But I chose to savour the moment live & just looked around me. Service spanned for about 150min! It was quite cool. Haha! In the end, a group of the youths stayed back... to watch 2 movies... -_- I just stayed outside of the lecture room with Esther & Hannah & Keith, and we talked the whole night away... well, more like battled the whole night away trying to break each other's score on my handphone's Puzzle Bubble. Hahaha! Wheee!!! So fun! =D

Yep! That's what's been happening the past couple of days!

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Y'know, u (k, I) can't help but think, why is it that only the younger youths are left behind after the watch night service? What happened to all the on-ness, all the enthusiasm of the senior youths? Maybe they've all got something else on hand. Then again, as the night wore through, I also can't help but feel kinda dejected. Have I gotten too old? What am I doing, trying to join in all their youthful activities still, when I should be resting more, learning more, or what-not at home. Maybe I shouldn't join in so much. I feel pathetic trying to belong when obviously I don't. At this point, Captain's Ball comes to mind too. Same feeling... pathetic. The senior citizens are now Zhixiang's batch... My batch has become dead... which is quite natural. Death comes pretty soon to all senior citizens. Heh. I feel weird just being there. As such, I have decided tentatively that I shall not join anymore Captain's Ball practise. My excuses may sound unreasonable... like, wha-a-a-at?! Haha! I dunno. Just... don't want lor. *sigh*

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I hate feeling helpless. Worse still is being unable to do something that I'm fully capable of just because of the circumstances & the way things are. Sucks can... =( And I'm still having those crappy feelings. The Dr. Jekyll in me keeps surfacing... and maybe it's even becoming a little bit more often than before! I hate it! I hate it hate it hate it!!! I TOTALLY HATE THAT FEELING!!!

*pants*

... but I can't help myself... *sob*

*roar*
Sorry I can't keep my promise at midnight. Sorry I'm so selfish. Sorry I'm so conscious of the guys around u... sorry if I ever made u feel exasperated. What's in a guy like me for u to fall for? *shucks*

Love me if you dare... 19:13
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