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Sunday, May 13, 2007

Lonely...

I think I'm someone who's easily distracted... *nods* Like, the whole time I was out with Felicia, Mel, Vic & Huiru, I was in a totally different state as now.

Rev Thong said today that loneliness is one of the many vulnerabilities to Satan's attacks. Coz if you're lonely, you have an unmet desire... an unmet desire is where Satan will use temptations to tempt you so that that unmet desire can be met. Know what am I talking about? No? Nvm... I know can already.

So yeah... am I lonely? I could be y'know? *thinks* Maybe that's why I like to hang out with Vic & Mel & Jun & Ren so much... coz they're good company... like, just very nice to hang out with them. I feel like I've known Mel & Vic for years la! And Felicia too, occasionally! She's just totally crazy!

Just last night, we found out that she's the same age as Evelyn, and they were both from St Nick's primary!!! Hahaha! So exciting! Now I'm just waiting for photographic identification coz both of 'em can't really remember who's who... =)

But am I meeting them too often? Like, I'm so involved with them that I hardly cooked at home for the past couple of weeks! I think I am, hey? I should cook more at home this week. Ok... *resolves to cook more at home*

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Went running yesterday! K, Vic & I went up to Mel's place to study. Haha! Joan was there too, so it's like, Jun, Jon, Ren, Mel, Vic and myself, each doing our own work, strewn all over the living room! So cool! But Vic & Mel are meeting Felicia & Melisa for tennis at 5:30pm, and I didn't wanna play, so I just went to run. Ran with Jun & Ren for awhile, like, they just ran to the bridge & then turned into uni then run back already. So I did that, then ran back to the bridge, crossed the bridge, got to Annerly. Wah, this cemetery, damn scary la! I ran into the entrance where there's this signboard showing the layout of the cemetery... There was another exit at the other end that would pop out at the river. So I was thinking whether I had enough faith to run through it alone. After thinking for a couple of minutes, I decided to go for it.

So off I ran, deeper into the spooky cemetery. No moon, no stars, so many clouds. It was REALLY dark man! I almost couldn't see where I was going la! Seriously! And the roads weren't exactly well-tarred. But I ran on anyways... all the graves around me... strange sudden rustlings... stupid thoughts forming in my head. Haha! But I gotta admit, it was really exhilarating! I would do it again, anytime man!

Anyways, after that went for dinner with Felicia & Vic, at Annerly! Haha! Where I ran past... Then after that we picked Mel & we went to 3 Monkeys for desserts & a game of English chess. I didn't know the pieces & moves were SO analogous to chinese chess la! Hahaha! But it was a fun evening... like, Mel & I against Vic & Feli... =) Fun fun fun! Then today Vic say feel like playing again... *mock Vic's laughter* Hahahaha! Oops!

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Some things have happened lately that's made me think of my life... Today, I prayed to GOD telling HIM that I want to give my life to HIM... and I would give up everything just to serve HIM, if HE wants to use me for HIS purpose, that is. And I prayed that I would know when it is HE is calling me... like, to be more sensitive to HIM. So how would I know when GOD is telling me something? I think I'm lacking too much in faith... So I prayed and asked GOD for a faith as big as a mustard... tree? Is that too much to ask? I remember somewhere in the Bible saying we need to be daring in asking... or did I remember wrongly?

Anyways, I prayed for that already... and I really want to live for GOD... I just don't know how. I've been an extreme person all my life, and I really wanna be extreme for GOD. But you know how GOD doesn't always let you be who you want to be? HE makes u become someone HE wants you to be!

But I'm fine with that. I just wanna live for GOD.

Which brings me to another thing...

"... those who marry will face many troubles in this life..."
1 Corinthians 7:28

"An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided."
1 Corinthians 7:32-34

So how? Is that GOD's will for me? But...

"... it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
1 Corinthians 7:9

Lately, I haven't been having any lustful thoughts at all! I think it's really cool! It's like a liberation from some bondage or something la! I guess doing QT in the mornings play a big part in that... like, GOD's words just stick to you for the rest of the day? Even Jo agrees there's a difference! I think everyone should do that.

I remember posting before that we should fit our schedule around GOD, instead of fitting GOD into our schedule. I guess that's one way we're actually prioritizing GOD over our lives? We're actually putting HIM first every morning...

Ok, I got side-tracked... I was saying about that marriage thing. So what is my calling? I really wanna know GOD's will in my life... like, can't HE just send me an email or something?

Imagine if HE did! Hahaha! So cool!!! But yeah, right now, I'll just be waiting for HIS voice.

Please pray for me... thanks.

I still love you lots... but recently, I've had a feeling of serving GOD only... wanting to dedicate my life fully to HIM. I'm at a loss what I should do... but I've been praying about it. Please pray with me my darling... I love you.

Love me if you dare... 21:32
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