Colorless

Friday, June 22, 2007

Screwed up...

Was I a disappointment?

I think I was, I am... and maybe always will be.

*sigh*

Watched Fantastic4 today at SouthBanks Cinemas... the huge 25m screen... haha! Thought the turnout was not so good but it actually was... come to think of it. Haha! Let's see... Tiffany, Patrick, Mei, Louis, Eileen, Dawn, Zhong Rong, Daniel, Debbie, ST, Vic, Felicia and myself! *counts* 13 people! Plus there was Jessica & Ernest to eat dinner with us! So yeah, it was quite good actually. =)

I think Silver Surfer's cool. Haha! Cosmic radiation that manipulates matter such that he can go through anything... anything! Even Invisible Woman's forcefield! And I didn't know he got his power from his surfboard. =D But I didn't like the way they depicted Galactus... They made him seem like a black hole or something... Those who didn't know were like, "What's Galactus? A planet?" "No..." "A monster?" "No..." "An alien?" "No..." "What's he like? Like, what IS he?" Haha! I told them Galactus was an entity... Is that right? I'm not really sure myself but I know how Galactus look like. And "entity" was the closest I could get from my limited brain.

Felicia offered to send me back, or rather, she assumed I would take a ride back with her... but I turned her down. Sorry Feli! I just felt like I wanted to walk abit... spend some time alone abit. Ended up walking with the rest of the gang to Central train station... sheesh. I so wanted to wander about alone, but I knew if I did that, everyone would think that it's got something to do with someone in NZ. So ok lor... just walked with them, took train with them, acted like my normal lame self, all the way home.

Sometimes I wonder, do I have to be like that? I could jolly well be a loner, refusing to interact, become a hermit, coop myself up in the house everyday. But where's the life like that? No life at all! So I have to hang out in a group, entertain people by making them laugh, making lame jokes, being dumb dumb so they'd think I'm cool and daring... There's life & laughter in that... definitely. I'll choose that over the former anytime.

Thing is, can I ever be in-between? Just a normal, nice-to-have-around, people-ask-me-out-out-of-courtesy, occasional-joker kind of person? Apparently the majority of the world can... Can I?

*sigh*

I'm tired... haha! This morning Vic said she could tell I was crying coz I took out a tissue box, and also coz my eyes were red & slightly puffy. Were they really? Haha! I looked at my eyes in the mirror and couldn't see any red except the normal redness when u just wake up. Puffy meh? I can't tell the difference from normally. It's either I have a giveaway face, or Vic & Jun are just good people readers. Haha! Either way, I did. I feel quite crybaby... shit. I'm not ok? I really aren't.

Maybe I should sleep now. But DG & Bernard are still at my place playing Winning Eleven with Barry. Haha! I simply don't understand how people can play a soccer game over & over & over & over & be so engrossed in it for HOURS on end... Then again, I don't understand why people like to smoke, I don't understand why Australian banks do not have money-changing services, I don't understand why GOD doesn't just talk to me or appear in my dreams or something dramatic, I don't understand why love has to be so difficult & trying... I don't understand alot of things. So yeah... my alternative is to bring my mattress out to the living room & sleep. Hopefully the morning rays are able to wake me up early... =)

Good night everybody!

Your words haunt me.
Your face a spectre in my mind.
Your touch a will-o'-the-wisp.
Your presence a gust of cold air.

Love me if you dare... 23:19
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