Colorless

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Men's Camp!!!

Hey y'all!

I'm back from Men's Camp! Ok, I was back since Sunday. And English convo class that day had a really good turnout! Dawn came to visit too! Yay! Haha!

Anyways, Men's Camp was... hmm... not too bad. The activities were good fun, although a little more danger incorporated into it would be more exhilirating. But considering the oldest camper was more than 90 years old, the activities were pretty extreme already. Haha!

However, the first evening saw some pretty sexist jokes to the effect of "women are unreasonable creatures" that I didn't really like. Most of 'em were laughing but I just sat there, sulking just a lil' bit. Don't get me wrong, these men are faithful loving husbands or single adults. I bet they love their wives more than anything in the world and will gladly give their lives for them. But I guess it's just the highly testosterone-filled environment that's got everyone all hyped up.

Boys will be boys, y'know? Haha! Really. U can see all the guys doing all the activities like they're still teenagers! It's all quite amusing, really. And they enjoy doing the guys' stuff! And being a testoster-zone (as Max aptly put it), you can bet the level of competition is pretty darn high when it comes to points. Haha! That's what I don't really like also. Like, c'mon man, we're here to have fun & enjoy the activities! At the end of the day, everyone wins when everyone enjoyed themselves! But I suppose it's the people who're so calculative and egoistic that keeps track of and takes into account every little point they can squeeze in for the team.

And this particular guy in my team seems to always wanna outshine everyone else, as if to prove something, or to show that he is able. Like, whatever la... K, for example, abseiling. We had to do a 17m tall tower & abseil down it, meaning to walk on the wall la. Then there was also a 17m overhang, meaning there's no wall, just you suspended on a rope & lowered down by urself. So everyone did the 17m abseil, but only some did the overhang. On my 2nd overhang, I lowered myself all the way upside-down, just for the fun of it. Haha! And it was fun! But anyways, this guy, after seeing that, went up & did the same thing too... and nearly slammed his face into the ground, I heard. Haha!

Then there's orienteering (basically navigation). The goal is to have as many pairs in a team get to as many checkpoints as possible within 18min. 13 in all, distributed throughout camp. Our team's strategy was to have all but 2 go find the checkpoints & wait there. The 2 will then run around camp & get everyone's pieces of paper stamped at every checkpoint. This same guy had to want to do it on his own. So he goes running around camp by himself, getting as many checkpoints as he can. It's like, no team-spirit at all la! Ok, so you can do pretty well on your own. So what? Feel like smacking his attitude.

And then there's ungentlemanly behaviour... aiyah, don't feel like elaborating on that la. This camp has showed me the ugly side of male ego & male chauvinism.

On a more positive note, the 2nd session with Pastor Pat on Saturday night was more relevant to the camp. You could tell that he didn't have it planned, yet, it was just fitting into the day's activities. What I remembered was orienteering. Pat related it to life, saying that we all need a map and a compass in life. And as Christians who are obedient to GOD, our map is the Bible, and our compass is the Holy Spirit (or the other way round, I can't remember). I wanted to say you can't do without either one, but I paused to think, that maybe you could. Anyhoo, to identify with the relation, I had the pleasure (or displeasure) of running around the camp with the map alone, trying to look for a checkpoint. I thought I was at the right spot, but couldn't find the checkpoint anywhere. So I had to retrace my steps until I found something that I recognised on the map, THEN I realised that I was on the wrong track and was really running around in circles. To be honest, I was kinda shocked that I could get lost because I'm usually quite good with maps & directions. This goes to show that human instincts can be really wrong, even though it feels really right at the time. Maps are the way to go no matter how wrong it felt, assuming that you started from the right place and stayed on the right track. Spiritually speaking, sometimes following GOD's directions will feel so wrong, you'd feel so lost, and then ur human instincts kick in & you prefer to follow it because you're more comfortable with that. Wrong wrong wrong!!!

But here's the good news: GOD is like a GPS navigator, aka Navman. If you've ever used a GPS navigator before, you'd know what I mean. You input your destination, and the GPS tells you the fastest route to it. But if somehow u choose not to follow its directions, it'll re-plan your route and give you the next best solution. And it'll keep doing that until you reach your destination. GOD-wise, HE'll always have a way out for you should you decide to disobey HIM. HE is merciful & forgiving, so as long as you realise your mistake and you sincerely repent, HE will continue to guide you to your destination.

Oh yes! Of course, there's the 4-wheel driving! I have a new-found respect for these off-road monsters. It's really really amazing what these machines can do! Yes, we get a flat tire, 1 of us got stuck in the mud, things like that. But on the whole, the experience was... wow! There's this huge slope, I'd estimate to be at like 40° incline, sandy & rocky, meaning it gets really slippery... but the 4WDs go up it like nobody's business! And to appreciate the steepness of the slope, 1 representative from each of the 4 teams had to race up that slippery sandy slope, touch a stupid tree, then race down it again. I was the 3rd down, but the first down AND safe. What do I mean? The first guy who reached the bottom crashed into some rocks head first, had to be sent to the hospital to make sure everything was good. The second guy who reached the bottom didn't have shoes on, that's how he won me on the way up. But he had lots of cuts all over his feet... haha! So much for winning... I came down the long & safe way, as did Mark, who was behind me.

Here're some pictures from the camp! I'll get more when the church distributes them. =)

Beautiful dam when we were 4WD-ing. =)

This is just a field in the camp grounds.

Oh, this is the swimming pool at the camping grounds. Haha! But it was too cold for anyone to be swimming in there...

The lake where we played tennis across the water & people jumped in to save the balls and we canoed & stuff...

Just a nice reflection on the water surface...

Another reflection shot... This one looks surreal to me...

There's the overhang abseil. After this stage, we just drop off the ledge. Quite a thrilling experience, I'd say. =)

Yup! That's how u come down. I hung upside down on this...

This is one of the roughest roads the 4WDs had to tackle. And this is where the 4WD I was on busted one of its tyres.

The line-up of road monsters... haha!

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Andy (my would-be employer) came to my place just now to have another chat. Haha! I tell u, he's seriously tapping all he can from me sia. He wants me to beautify the company's webpage, create forms, debug, programme, create online lessons, and a whole lot of other stuff. Catching termites & photographing them still needs to be done, so you can imagine how hectic work will be if & when I start.

He wanted to see my Bachelor degree and my official transcript, so I showed him lor. Haha! And it's the first time after my graduation that I took it out to see. Nice! Haha!

Anyways, before he left, he said he wanted me to start work ASAP, but I told him I can't because I need to wait for the visa to be approved. He said he'll contact IMMI & ask if there's any way around it, like don't pay me but pay for my lodging & food & transport etc until I get my work visa. If that works out, I may have to start work next week loh. *sigh* That means I'll be moving down to the coast really soon. =/

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Oh ya, Karen came back today. Welcome home! Haha! Maybe you'll miss home & the people back there at first, but I'm sure Mel & Jun will tune you back to Brisbane life again. And Vic and Sam too, I'm sure. =) Cheer up ok?

Love me if you dare... 15:29
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Thursday, July 19, 2007

CUT HAIR!!! Amongst many other things...

I CUT MY HAIR!!!

That means a couple of things.

Firstly, that means I lose the "title" of "guy with the longest hair in church". Haha! Secondly, that means I will not get it back as long as Bingjun doesn't cut his hair coz now mine's shorter than his. Haha! Well... it's been a not-so-glamorous couple of days. =)

Thirdly, that means I use much less shampoo & conditioner, which means I save money! But fourthly, that means I'll start using styling products again, which means wasting money buying them! Fifth, I'll look even more like a kid, with my childish ways & behaviour. Melvyn's mum saw me just now and she was like, "哇！現在好像十六嵗啊！" Hahaha! Will meh?! Ok, for those who hate mandarin or can't read or are lazy to read, she said "Wah! Now like 16years old ah!" The plus side is, everyone says it looks better. Hahaha! It's so funny la, today! K, firstly I met Melisa at Indroo when I was buying shirts. Then she came with me to the salon at Toowong to see me getting my hair cut. And right after we stepped outta the salon, we met Eileen! And she went, "Wah! What happened to your hair?" Then 3 of us walked around in Toowong for abit. When it was time for me to rush back to meet Melvyn to help him take photos, I met Mei at the traffic lights, and she was like, "Wah! Yay! *clap clap clap hands* Finally cut already! And it's nicer than I thought it would be!" Hahaha!

So, yes. Got to Melvyn's graduation just abit before he had to go in... took a few photos with him, and quite a few photos for him. Nice shots, evening ones are... *nods*

Myself with Melvyn & Jesslyn

Daniel, Jesslyn, Melvyn, auntie, uncle & me!

There's James & Emily with us on the Sunday before his graduation. We were at La Dolce Vita!

... with Max & his lovely wife, Julia!

And so, Melvyn & his family headed off to Canberra the next day, 1 day later than intended coz of car troubles. Melissa came back as a surprise, but I double-surprised her! Haha! Hope you liked the box of Milky Bars sweetie. =) And sorry, I cannot reveal my flies on the walls. You had lotsa giveaways yourself... haha!

Friday came, my graduation ceremony. Haha! I look like an idiot in the gown la... hai.

Quickly went to the lab to grab my collection for a photo with it. =)

Oh, there's my friend-in-need thrice! Haha! She claimed that I was her benefactor in her most difficult times here. Like, I just happened to be there every time! Haha! Charmaine, who's beside me, and her housemate. =)

There's Melissa & Melisa, with me outside the Goddard Building. Haha!

There's Mei, who came from her psycho- lab...

And Tiffany & Patrick too! From their labs... haha!

And talk about girls for my graduation, these high school girls screamed & ran towards me for a photo la! Craziness! Hahaha!

K, of course there were guys too... but look at the ratio! *tsk tsk* =)

So I graduated... haha! Nothing much. Not especially elated, not especially afraid of the future also. *shrugs*

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Tomorrow got Men's Camp by KBC. Going up to somewhere called Mapleton. We're gonna be abseiling, canoeing, orienteering (I think it's navigation), flying-foxing and 4WD-ing! Haha! Sounds exciting! But what's even more exciting to me is Yoshi (Felicia's classmate from foundation!) is coming along too! Hahaha! Really hope he can come to know GOD through all these activities. Why, he's even coming for service this Sunday... again!

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Just realised today that 457 (that's the code for a Temporary Work Visa) takes 6-8 weeks to process. That means if Andy (my would-be manager) applied for it today, it'd only be confirmed after my student visa expires. But IMMI said that I would automatically be under a bridging visa as long as the application for a new visa is during another valid visa. Luckily I extended my exit permit & it was granted without me having to produce evidence of further study. *grin*

I really pray that GOD will let me stay here to work... OCF is just so exciting for me! Pity I can't go this week coz of the camp. But oh wells, there's always next week!

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Speaking of GOD, I haven't been doing QT for very long already. *bows head in shame* I dunno why... laziness is a major factor, that's for sure. And the days just pass by so quickly.

And during these days that I didn't do QT, I realise that my tendency to sin or to have impure thoughts is higher than when I did my QT regularly. Obvious, of course, but it shows me how important it is to start the day with GOD! I really hope this camp will spark the laziness away and rev me up for an even closer relationship with GOD again.

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K la, I shall end off here... Sorry for the very brief update of what's been going on the past week or so... Life's really more than just the above. Haha! Don't worry.

Take care, all of u, and GOD bless! =)

Love me if you dare... 00:09
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Monday, July 16, 2007

Now that YOU're near...

Went for the 10am service yesterday... Ric Benson (senior pastor) was talking about being lit or engulfed in the consuming fire that is GOD, and he gave examples of how GOD was manifested in the many instances of fire throughout the Bible: Moses & the burning bush, Elijah & the prophets of Baal, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego & Nebuchadnezzar's furnace... And he goes on to say that to be caught on fire for GOD, we need to be a community. We as individuals cannot experience GOD's consuming fire. Through experience, I came up with this illutration:

Y'know how after a BBQ, the remaining charcoal are just glowing embers covered in white ash, not hot enough to cook anything? That's when we're individuals, cut off from the Christian community... very on fire, very passionate for GOD, SO-O-O hot to the touch, yet unable to accomplish anything much. But gather a pile of these smoldering coals, blow away the ashes and fan the embers, you'll see that it glows brighter! Fan harder and you'll eventually see a flame jump out! That flame is due to the intense heat amongst the embers. If you're a frequent observer of flames, this kind is different when a flame is burning off something (like a match). This flame is not as bright, but really hot, and it's this kind of flame that is the best for BBQ. It's not the kind of flame that leaps up & licks your food (that would leave soot on your meats). Rather, it's the kind that cooks your meat slowly but surely. And that is the kind of flame we want in a BBQ... that is the kind of flame we need to produce in a Christian community.

And so the sermon left in me a smoldering piece of ember... feeling small & insignificant & helpless & powerless. Sermons here always tend to make me feel like that... I leave church almost every week feeling changed and somewhat unsettled, but I never have the discipline nor the courage nor the urging desire to do something about it. Something's wrong with me...

And then there's the 5pm service... so alive, so ignited for GOD! There really is a difference the way the service lights people up here & back home. Does the service even spark a fire back home? If only I could show u guys the enthusiasm, the conviction, the burning desires of the young people here... It's so powerful, and they're actually doing something about it, reaching out, community services, LOTS & LOTS of mission teams and mission trips, over-the-weekend camps, stuff like that... it's just overwhelming! And it's even more overwhelming how I don't see any of this back home! Of course, I'm not saying there isn't anything like this. Maybe I was just ignorant back then. I'm just saying that here, there's always a stirring in our hearts, in my heart. I just need to be more convicted, somehow... *sigh*

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Next Thursday, 26th July, there's a talk in KBC (Kenmore Baptist Church, if you don't already know) about Intelligent Design... It's a fight-back against Darwinism, against the eccentric scientific community that are SO-O-O extreme in their belief of evolution and no GOD. Sounds interesting... but I'll have a think whether or not I wanna go.

As a science student, specifically a biology student, and a Christian, I have studied the marvels of the molecular changes and mutations in our bodies, in any living thing for that matter, as well as the genetics of evolution and its phenotypic outcomes. Of course, I've studied much more than that, but my point is that I can see GOD in all of these! Contrary to what Daniel says (but there's a high chance I was mistaken) that he does not believe in evolution on the macro level, I DO believe in that. We have evolved the ability to genetically combat and resist so many strains of bacteria, viruses, parasites etc... We've even evolved to incorporate them into our body systems so much so that we cannot live without them! Take E. coli in our intestines... If we totally cleanse it out of our system, we'll die! Ok, I'm not sure about dying but there definitely are adverse effects. Insects evolve everyday to better suit their environments, specializing in nichés for food & shelter, or generalising so they can be ubiquitous. We see evolution everywhere! The simplest: Some flowers have evolved deep nectaries so that to get to the nectar, insects have to rummage through all the pollen, and when they visit another flower, tada! Cross pollination!
And then, some ants "farm" aphids because aphids produce honey dew (not the fruit la) which the ants eat. In exchange, the ants protect the aphids from predators such as ladybirds!
Some plants "farm" ants... The Acacia produce shelter & food for ants to live in, and in exchange, the ants attack herbivores and sometimes other plants so the acacia has a growth advantage.
In an extreme case of evolution, where mutualism dictates the survival of 2 organisms, the fig wasp and the fig plant. Without the fig wasp to pollinate fig plants, we'll never get figs fruiting, we'll never have fig trees growing anywhere else. It'll just become extinct! And without fig plants, there won't be any fig wasps!

Our genes, our DNA, the codes for our physiological and physical well-being are very fragile elements. They're so easily mutated and altered, knowing the millions of compounds that are carcinogenic, tumour-inducing, radioactive, and all the other biological and genetic jargon. Yet, their conservation prevails because of intelligent design! GOD made our bodies SO-O-O resilient to major mutations because if there's something out of the ordinary in our systems, it's been coded to destroy the cell(s) that contain that mutation. Maybe putting it this way is taking out too much details, but the idea is there. I canNOT imagine how Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Phosphorous, Nitrogen, Calcium, Sodium, Iron, Potassium, Molybdenum, and the many other elements that make up our body, can just come together, link together to form molecules that link together to form amino acids that link together to form proteins that link together to form cells that link together to form tissues that link together to form organs that link together in a specific order and positioning to form an organism (my, that's a mouthful), without the intelligent planning and design of GOD! Can man even design something like that? The most advanced technology cannot create something that is alive, can seek food, grow, reproduce and die! Why is there even a debate man?

Oh oh... apes can become man? Not entirely impossible, no. But I maintain that GOD created Man in HIS own image. True, HE created apes too. But not in HIS image. I'm not particularly well-versed in evolution and religion. I may not be able to convince alot of people about GOD in science. But for me, I truly see GOD and HIS handiwork in biology. There is no other explanation. You can try convincing me, I may be stumped for words, I may be overwhelmed by the amount of scientific knowledge you present to me, I may lose the debate on whether life is formed by chance or by GOD, but I will truly & firmly believe that GOD creates and we, as well as everything else in the world, and even the world, are createD. Say what you want man... *shrugs*

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K, looks like I got carried away there. Haha!

I'm thinking of going sch to cut hair... At the same time, I also wanna go Toowong or Indroo to walk walk... And I can cut hair in Toowong for $10. Thing is, 1 zone daily is $4.60 (remember?)! So if I go just to cut hair, quite dumb la. And it's 2pm now... not much time to do much walking... and walking alone is... mmm... I just don't feel like walking alone la. At least not today.

*sigh*

I want to ride my bicycle... =(

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"... Hold me in YOUR arms,
Never let me go.
I wanna spend eternity with YOU.

And now that YOU’re near,
Everything is different..."

-Hillsong: Now That YOU're Near

Love me if you dare... 10:39
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Saturday, July 14, 2007

You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You...

Hmm... watched Austin Powers in Goldmember just now... there were a couple of scenes & flashbacks where Austin was honourably mentioned and given awards, and when he wanted to thank & acknowledge his father, he was never in the audience, and his friends and the people, and especially the janitor, would be laughing at him on stage. Hahaha!

Then I was bathing & thinking, whilst shivering in the cold waiting for the treatment to do its work, that hey, I'm gonna be like that too on Friday! I've got 5 tickets for family & friends to come for my graduation, which, actually is just walking on stage, shaking hands with some old folk whom I've probably only seen more than once because I attended someone else's graduation, receiving my degree, and walking off stage. But yeah, I've got no one here. Might as well not reserve the tickets in the first place right? *sigh* But Melvyn said he wanted to come, if I didn't mind. I just thought it'll be a waste of his time for him to come, but well, it'd be rude to say cannot come right? Like, wha-a-at? Why not? Haha! And if he's here, I assume Jesslyn & auntie & uncle would come too? So that's 4 tickets. 1 more to give up.

I wonder when they'll be driving off to Canberra then...

"You're nobody till somebody loves you.
You're nobody till somebody cares.
You may be king, you may possess the world and it's gold,
But gold won't bring you happiness when you're growing old.

The world still is the same, you never change it,
As sure as the stars shine above.
You're nobody till somebody loves you,
So find yourself somebody to love."

-Dean Martin: You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You

*sigh*

Love me if you dare... 23:24
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Friday, July 13, 2007

Pretty Woman

"I want the fairy tale."
-Vivian, Pretty Woman

"Must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful..."
-Bernard, Pretty Woman

Kit: "You do? You think I got potential?"

Vivian: "Oh yeah, and don't let anyone tell you different. Okay?"

Kit: "Okay."

Vivian: "Take care you!"

-Vivian & Kit, Pretty Woman

"Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here, this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't - but keep on dreaming. This is Hollywood, always time to dream, so keep on dreaming!"
-Happy Man, Pretty Woman

Just watching the last third of the show made me decide this is a good show. Watch it again, anytime...

Love me if you dare... 21:06
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Termites!

Hmm... finally decided to get down to blogging today. First thing I wanna blog about is GOD's faithfulness & HIS amazing ways!

Went to Q1 on Surfer's Paradise yesterday for an informal interview with Andy. I left Indroo at 4:34pm (when the train comes), changed train at Roma St, take the Gold Coast Express to Nerang, changed to bus 745 to Surfer's. By the time I was at the downstairs of Q1, it was 6:50pm already. Can u imagine the bloody journey?

K, anyways, had a chit chat with Andy from Federal Pest Control (FCP) and it seems he's really interested in termites and had big plans, aside from pest control, to do with termites! Here's something he revealed to me: Did you know that the protein powder you get from GNC, or whatever health store u buy your protein powder from, comes from termites? Yes! They're termite protein! Hahaha! Well, I can't say all of it... I know there're some plant ones... but yeah. They come from termites! How cool is that? Hahaha!

Yep, anyways, about my interview, Andy seems willing to sponsor me my work visa, and it seems like there's a high chance he actually wants me to work for him because he's got a couple of applicants who're merely Bachelor of Science graduates, but I have a Bachelor of Science majoring in Entomology and Parasitology, so yeah... that's why he said he chose me over the rest. *big wide grin* The catch is this: I have to give him an executive summary of what he needs to do in order to sponsor me a work visa, and I have to find out what's the minimum pay required by law, because that's what he's going to give me as a start. Oh, and I have to get my learner's ASAP... haha! Coz otherwise he can't send me by myself to inspect infection sites or something... It's all quite exciting I think, but it'll have to come with hard work... lots of hard work. *nods* Yay!

I think GOD has been really gracious to me these couple of days. The biggest thing is that interview & job opportunity. And now, as in now now, Mei just called me to say that she & Louis are at Indroo's Woolies... AND THEY HAVE CRUNCHY NUT CLUSTERS!!! Yay! Hahaha! I dunno why I'm so crazy over it... probably because of the honey in it. But I asked her to help me buy like 3 boxes. Haha! Crazy right? That's 1.5kg of Crunchy Nut Clusters! And to think I was contemplating walking to Hawken Coles to just get a 540g Froot Loops for $5.99. Thank GOD! Really really thank GOD. =) You know, I've been to Indroo Woolies to search, then asked Tiffany to help me see in Toowong Woolies, asked Jesslyn just now to search Garden City Woolies, been to Surfer's Woolies yesterday to find, ALL don't have la! Just so u know how thankful I am to GOD's providence. This reminds me of the verse:

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
-Matthew 6:26

How precious am I that GOD gives me Crunchy Nut Clusters! And now, I need full cream milk. I'll get that from Chai's later...

Anyways, back to Surfer's... After my interview, went to hunt for Radiah & her family. Found them in Coles hunting for the Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookies, which I "accidentally", enthusiastically introduced to them. Hahaha! Walked back to their apartment with them coz the bus is in an hour's time, chit chat abit, had a drink, watched abit of TV etc etc... haha! Caught the 9:54pm bus, got to Nerang Railway Station at about 10:15pm? Guess that time's the next (and last) train? 10:53pm... *pffft* 10:53pm man! What time'll I reach city? And will there even be a train back from city to Manors? I highly doubt so...

So I took that train & read abit, wanted to nap but suddenly, I saw Charmaine! Like, what the hell! In the middle of nowhere, she appears on the train heading towards me without noticing me until I called her! Hahaha! Turns out she's been shopping today with her housemates and caught the train from Helensvale, 1 stop after me! Went to sit with her friends & chatted all the way. Suddenly, I saw the train station Sherwood pass us by, then Rocklea, then I was wondering if I was seeing things. Well whaddya know! The next stop we stopped at but not allowed to alight, Indroo! We were like, hey, maybe we can try to alight at Toowong, save us cab fare! Haha! Alas, we just went through Toowong like it was non-existent. *sigh* In the end, had to trouble poor Melvyn & his dad to come pick us up from Central Station. Thanks Melvyn!!!

Then Charmaine said, just when she needed help the most, I always seem to appear. Haha! Or be around. 1st time was when she had a fit at UQ bus stop & I went with her to hospital & back home. 2nd time was when we went to watch Spiderman3 at SouthBank then met her at bus stop with no bus left. And then yesterday, I just saved her a couple of dollars by asking Melvyn for help. Hahaha! How cool is that? =) Cool... wa-a-ay cool. =D

Oh, Vivian's coming over tmr! Ok, I hope DL doesn't get to read this... =P Haha! So funny! And I asked her to buy a small pack of pork floss over to test test, then Mel or Yujun can help me buy big pack if it does get through. Haha! Yay!

Ok... I think I wanna go Hawken to buy dinner le... and also the full cream milk from Coles maybe? =)

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Uncertainty... that's how it started. I didn't start on the topic... I didn't mean it to seem this way either... but it just happens that things flow like that... It wasn't plotted. At least not consciously. And right at this moment, I'm still unattached. Don't worry... I'm not offended, just something that made me stop to reflect and think if I really did such a thing.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I definitely feel bad about what I did. Yet, I don't have to courage to even give a call. I feel like a mouse. No, an ostrich, supposing an ostrich really does stick its head into the ground. But all I know is, I'm trying to slow things down & evaluate my life. I've been praying alot more and drawing close to GOD alot more this semester, if you can tell from my posts. I talked to my dad quite abit too, and I'm reading on the same kind of topic. I'm trying to place GOD first in everything, just as you're trying to place GOD first in everything. Truthfully, I don't feel like I'm submitting enough to HIM. And when I look at your life, I truly admire your courage and faith, even though you're sometimes confused & doubtful. You may think it's a messy life you lead, but I tell you, to all whom you've shared your life with, I bet GOD has used you to be an unknowing witness to HIS grace and mercy.

K, sorry I digressed. To bring us back, I'm just trying to sort out my life now. Many crossroads lie ahead of me. And whether or not GOD wills me to find someone else, I'm just glad that in the meantime, HE's granted me some really close friends who have supported, encouraged and challenged me over here, and also friends who have made me realised the role I've played in their lives, through GOD's wisdom, blessing and guidance.

I dunno if it's any clearer to you, but that's just what's been happening to me over here so far. I'm really thankful to GOD for all of you in my life. Overseas or back home, HE has blessed me with people who help me grow spiritually, emotionally and maybe mentally, people who prayed for me, and people who's lives are changed because many have prayed for them thus showing us that GOD really does answer prayers. It's really an amazing experience for me spiritually.

Hmm... have I digressed again?

Love me if you dare... 17:22
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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Emotionless?

*sigh*

I wanna drink.

Love me if you dare... 23:38
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Are You Alright?

Ok... just some really random things that I've forgotten in the past but have remembered.

Remember the time I ate 2 420g cans of corn at midnight? Yeah, I shat them all out (the kernels) the next day... haha! In 2 gos (as in plural of "go") some more... I thought I would've shat it out all at once coz there was so much kernels in the shit. Then again, I did eat alot of corn. Haha!

Another shitty experience is my stupid Pantene hair treatment. I have to leave it in my hair for 3 minutes then can rinse out for it to be effective. Sounds short right? Ri-i-ight... wait till u shower here in Brisbane during winter, in a bathroom with a ventilator that's ALWAYS on, sucking away all the steam that keeps the bathroom warm. NOT short at all... Bloody shower is so damn cold can! Cold nevermind... my skin is wet lor! Everyday when I bathe, I need to go through the torture of squatting in the bath naked & wet & cold & shivering... for 3min! Oh yes, for Singaporeans who pay for water, we don't have to pay for water here but water levels are dangerously low here coz of the drought, so Queensland is aiming for 4min in the shower so that we can save alot of water. So yes, I cannot let the scalding water run for 3min coz I'd be left with only 1min for the rest of my bath.

Maybe I should just cut my hair... But then, now that Bingjun has cut his hair, the title of "guy with the longest hair in church" has been bestowed on ME! Hahaha! But even if I cut my hair, I will still use the treatment mah... hmm. But then long hair is beginning to look boring... I got that layered hair look... hai. I don't like. Oh, Jesslyn & I compared hair length! I think I got longer hair! Hahaha! But it looks shorter coz of that layered look... *pffft*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you alright?
All of a sudden you went away.
Are you alright?
I hope you come back around someday.
Are you alright?
I haven't seen you in a real long time.
Are you alright?
Could you give me some kind of sign?
Are you alright?
I looked around here and you were gone.
Are you alright?
I feel like there must be somethin' wrong.
Are you alright?
Cause it seems like you disappeared.
Are you alright?
Cause I been feelin' a little scared.
Are you alright?

Are you sleepin' through the night?
Do you have someone to hold you tight?
Do you have someone to hang out with?
Do you have someone to hug and kiss you,
Hug and kiss you,
Hug and kiss you?
Are you alright?"

-Lucinda Williams: Are You Alright?

Clearly not... I wish you were alright. Please be alright?

Love me if you dare... 19:46
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No Inspiration

Thank GOD! Praise HIM for HIS faithfulness!

At 1638hrs today, Andy from Federal Pest Control called me up to ask me a couple of questions. At the end of the conversation, he asked me to pop in to the FPC office at Surfer's Paradise tomorrow at 7pm for a chat to see what they can do.

Is this an interview? Is it an opportunity? A path, a door that GOD has opened up for me here in Brisbane? I don't know really. But for now, I am very thankful for this opportunity. A glimmer of hope against all odds that I will be able to stay on in Brisbane! I'll know tomorrow night anyhow. =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, Melvyn's dad reached Brisbane and the family is officially complete. And I begin to wonder if I should make myself scarce in the midst of a happy family holiday. Like so extra lor! Yet, their hospitality makes me obliged to hang out with them. It feels like they're asking coz they don't want me to feel left out or they're obliged to do so... like 客氣客氣 like that, y'know what I mean? But I don't wanna be a "burden" to them... like they have to consider my timetables and stuff to go out etc... *sigh*

I'm looking forward to Rad's return from Gold Coast. Coz then, there'd be 6 of us in all, and we can't fit into the car. Then probably I can bring Rad around whilst Melvyn brings his family to further off places like Sunshine Coast or Gold Coast or Gatton maybe...

Am I thinking too much?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The past few days have been pretty dry with regards to inspiration for tie designs. No... not days... weeks I'd say. Has it been weeks yet? *shrugs* I totally lost track of days.

*sigh*

Do I sigh alot? I think I do... but it's nice. Like, just *sigh*...

*sigh*

"You know our love was meant to be,
The kind of love that lasts forever.
And I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time.

You should know, everywhere I go,
Always on my mind, in my heart,
In my soul.

You're the meaning in my life,
You're the inspiration.
You bring feeling to my life,
You're the inspiration.
Wanna have you near me,
I wanna have you hear me sayin',
'No one needs you more than I need you.'

And I know, yes I know that it's plain to see
We're so in love when we're together.
And I know that I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time.

When you love somebody
Till the end of time...
When you love somebody,
Always on my mind.
No one needs you more than I."

-Chicago: You're The Inspiration

What a nice song...

Come back quick baby... I miss you... =(

Love me if you dare... 17:55
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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Crunchy Nut Clusters

I am SO depressed...

Over what? Over a cereal.

Crunchy Nut Clusters. Was $5.99 for a 540g box, now selling for $2.99 at Woolies. This is the sale I've been waiting for for SO-O-O long lor! When I saw the tag, I just stood there with the trolley staring at the tag, reading over & over & over again & again & again to make sure that it is Kellogg's Crunchy Nut CLUSTERS 540g, and not just Kellogg's Crunchy Nut 585g that's selling for $2.99. I raised my eyes abit to look at the shelves...

ALAS!!! There wasn't a s i n g l e box of Crunchy Nut Clusters left! Every other product around it were stock filled and there was this section on the shelves that was empty.

E M P T Y

Ok, so they sold out. I'll just walk on by. But I don't know what came over me. I just became so depressed la! How can anyone be depressed over not being able to buy a box of cornflakes? I went to the other aisles, bought a 4-pack Bundaberg Ginger Beer, went back to that aisle again to look at the empty space, a small part of me wishing 1 box would be left somewhere behind, unnoticed. Nope... zilch. Went to ask the Woolies staff whether they've got more at the back... he came back with nothing in his hands... I tell u, I was hanging by my armpits on the trolley's handlebars, kneeling on the ground with Melvyn and Jesslyn staring at me thinking I must be outta my mind to be like this over a box of cornflakes. Haha! Sai... -.-

In fact, I was so depressed that I didn't have the mood to go to Judy's church for that free ballroom dance session anymore! I know it's ridiculous to give that as an excuse. I bet Judy must've felt that I didn't wanna go then come up with such a lame excuse lor. I just hope she's not hurt or anything... Sorry Judy. *apologetic look* I really did wanted to go for dance... I like dancing.

And now, I'm home feeling down & out. Jesslyn said I looked like the world has just ended or something. Gulped down a bottle of ginger beer, browsed through a couple of finally-updated blogs, called Carolyn using the new pfingo software that Melvyn recommended, and now I'm just typing all these out, feeling like I wanna go for a walk. I bet I won't.

Hmm... I think I better help auntie cook her chilli prawns. She doesn't know how to use the pre-mix sauce. Maybe cooking will be therapeutic enough to get me outta the cornflaky pits. *crosses fingers*

"I want to hold your hand..."

Love me if you dare... 17:40
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Monday, July 09, 2007

A night out with Rad...

Firstly, I'd like to address a typo error in my previous post. Su's sister is not called Raj... she's called Rad... =) Was informed by Su today, and then further confirmed when I saw her laptop with the name "Rad" written on the front! So-o-o... yeah, that's that.

So we went out with Rad & her family this evening for a meal at Miss India where we didn't fight with her dad over the bill. Then Melvyn suggested we go for a spin after that, so we brought them out, up to Mt Coot-tha where the family (except dad) froze to death admiring the "beautiful" view of Brisbane city. But they didn't stay out long because the wind was chillin' our bones, so we all hid in the warmth of the restaurant up there. Then Rad's dad wanted to have a coffee or a hot chocolate, so they started queuing up. Then Melvyn suggested to go Three Monkeys instead! Ok! Zoom! And there we were at Three Monkeys: 3 hot chocolates and a Chunky Chocolate Cheesecake. =) Chatted alot of lame stuff, political issues as well, which I wasn't extremely interested in but participated anyways... just chatted the night away la. Her mum was really quiet though... and her younger sis is SO CUTE! Haha! Su told me she's "especially hyper", but she's been especially shy. Haha! But she's SO-O-O CUTE!!! Really... aiyoh... haha!

We ended the night together at 10:45pm. Reached home at 11, maybe? Got them an extra quilt coz they're so not used to the weather... Luckily tmr they'll be heading to Gold Coast already... short holiday for the family... so nice! Rad will be back on Saturday though, while the rest of her family flies back to Singapore. And then she'll most probably be hanging out with us most of the time loh. Haha! Yay! But *sigh* Why is it that all the fun seems to come just when I most look like I have to leave? *shakes head in despair* *sigh*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nobody is born equipped with the know-hows of the dating game. We all learn through mistakes and failures, whether with the same partner throughout, or with different people who are able to help us grow & learn about different areas of our lives that we're lacking in. We need to learn these valuable lessons and change our character because if it is a poor character that is the problem, then we will always be in a poor-relationship loop if we don't change that bad character. We need to be afraid of the consequences of not changing - that is, not being able to hold up a long-term relationship. We need to be honest with ourselves and see that the common denominator in our broken and/or past relationships is us. Find the fault, change the fault. It's not always someone else.

Most people (k, many) have a list of criteria they look for in a partner. These include what they desire to be essential in their partner, as well as extras that can be done without but would be nice to have. This would be the list of things that we can live with. But more imporatantly, as well as more neglected, is what we cannot live with. Little things that irritate the hell outta you can eat at you, slowly undermine the relationship and destroy the foundation that u & ur partner has built. We should all have a list of things we cannot tolerate, but we need also to be realistic and strike off some of those things because no one is perfect. We have to accept some minor flaws in our partners and try to change them, but if it fails, be prepared to live with it... compromise. I would like to list some examples but it would take too long to type the explanation. So if u wanna know more, check up this book:

"Boundaries Before Marriage"
by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend.

It's a good book so far... touches on how we can incorporate GOD's word into our dating and relationships. It's also a realistic book that tells us to look at things more openly, scrutinize certain things, and to trust GOD more. I haven't finished it, neither am I even halfway through it... but I'll just share abit here & there as I go through the book as a way to remember what I've read, as well as to summarize some key points that I've learnt.

What's your list look like?

What can you not live with?

Love me if you dare... 21:52
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Free Christian Music...

Y'know, I really should start typing into my phone what I wanna blog about. Once again, thoughts have come & gone, and when I say gone, I mean literally. Haha!

So here's something that I did type into my phone: Free Christian Music.

I was on the bus listening to my iPod the other day... wait, was I on a bus? Yes, I was. Friday I think... going to Melisa's place. And it was playing Hillsong songs. And I just got thinking, they got so big that they're making possibly millions outta selling their albums... and I remember people saying before that they're like, commercialized, and they're singing for profit and many people don't like that idea. Whatever their reasons, one thought drifted to another & I was thinking if there ever will be a Christian band, pop, rock, classical, whatever, that will ever sing well, yet sell their CDs at a price that will merely cover the cost of recording and advertisements and design etc... y'know, just the basic costs of making a CD. Some more if they make in bulk, it'd be really cheap eh? So yeah... just wondering if there'll ever be such a band... not looking for profits. Or maybe they could upload their music somewhere where people can download them for free legally, then they wouldn't even need to cover their costs. It is, after all, a means of spreading GOD's love and HIS Word, no? Yes! So-o-o... someone please enlighten me on the economics of producing an album? If not, why isn't there such a band yet? Or is there? =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just read Debbie's entry and like her, I need to learn to submit to GOD my life. I quote:

"how little time should we spend together so that we can put God first, how little time should we spend together so that we won't fall apart?"

"i don't want to need you like my life depends on it; i don't want to not need you in my life."

How?

Like her also, my daily devotions have been telling me to submit myself to GOD, to put HIM above everything else because HE is eternal and, whatever we're facing here are but a microscopic speck, or less, in the timeline of eternity. Even yesterday's sermon was telling me that our mission in life is to bring GOD's kingdom to earth. GOD first, GOD last, and everything else will fall in place.

But it's so-o-o-o-o-o-o ha-a-a-ard... =( So very difficult y'know. And to submit myself to the LORD has been my prayer everyday... well, almost everyday. *nods* Because I know that only then will things be clear...

Life...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Slept at 5:30am... woke up at 8. K, then 8:30, then 9:15, then 9:30am. Had a cup of lite milk (eugh!) and was too lazy to eat anything more. Feel like going to uni & lie somewhere and read. So nice and sunny. Haha! Maybe I should. Then maybe I can meet Raj & show her how to walk over to Manors from wherever she is.

Oh, Raj is Siti's sister. Actually Siti is their surname. Haha! I think Siti's name name is Suhaila? But for convenience sake and for not wanting to sound like I'm calling her by surname, I shall call Siti, Su. Yup! Anyways, Raj arrived in Brisbane with her parents & younger sister at 1am Sunday morning. Cab fare cost them $50. Yesterday Melvyn & I met up with them & took some of their luggage back to Mel's place so that today when they move in to Manors, they wouldn't need to carry so much stuff. And because of that, her dad wants to treat us to dinner. Hahaha! Like, eh-h-h, uncle, no need la... just abit of things only lor... But he insisted on it, so Melvyn & I were thinking where is Halal and isn't too expensive. Ah Met's is out coz it's really too ex for a treat la. Mel suggested Salt & Battery (Fish & Chips for those who don't know) at Hawken, Melvyn suggested Nando's, then there's Miss India too. But we shall see how la. They'll be moving into Manors today. =) New friend! Yay!

Oh, last night I went to Darren's place to play GameCube! Haha! Once again, we ended the night by playing Mario boardgames. Haha! Very fun! And he was saying we have to come more often so we can play other boards. Hahaha! And we had curry from Indroo's new Indian restaurant called Sitar. Ordered some lamb dish & had it made Red-hot (the spiciest), and to my surprise, alot of them found it REALLY hot. Haha! I suppose I would've found it hot too if my tongue doesn't have something wrong. Haha! I thought it was alright only, but after awhile I was sweating like a... a... a what? What sweats alot? I'm thinking of an animal. Haha! Anyways, ya... my body's reacting to the spiciness but my mouth just ain't feeling it that much. *sigh* Ah wells.

Nice curry though. Feli, we should eat there sometime. Oops! U can't take spicy food! Hahaha! Ok, Vic then... =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"To be or not to be, that is the question..."
-Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, Act III scene I

Although very different in context, my question touches on a similar suicidal note. Not physically, though, so don't worry. If you know what I'm referring to, then the quote is meant for you. And just so there's no confusion, it's only meant for 1 person. That person should know what's bothering me right now to ask this question.

I haven't found an answer yet, but rest assured I will be praying hard about it. And when I've found my answer, I would want to tell you face to face, when you're here, next to me.

Missing you...

Love me if you dare... 08:31
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Saturday, July 07, 2007

The Reason

As usual, I had in mind more than a couple of things I wanted to blog about, but because I didn't type it into my mobile, most of 'em have slipped down the bath tub along with the dirt on my body...

Yep, went to Wishart [Philippa's (Melisa's church friend) house] for Melisa's farewell party. Judy picked me up, followed by Zhong Rong, Lilian and ST, then drove all the way there. Barbecued some really THICK pork loin chops, ST did the onions, Zhong Rong did the sausages. Haha! It was an alright time I guess. Then along came Brian, Jack & Douglas! Surprise surprise! Haha! It's good to see familiar OCFian faces again, y'know? K, Melisa, Tiffany, Patrick, Louis, Mei etc etc are also familiar OCFian faces. I meant the not-so-close-yet-regular-attendees kinda familiar OCFian faces. Pity Charles went back already... would've liked to see him there too. Ah wells... =)

Finished the BBQ, went upstairs where all of us started to feast on the food set before us. Viola (Melisa's choir friend from church also) made Honey Soy Chinken! Haha! So cool! It's nice, just a tad too salty, like what Judy said. Haha! But Honey Soy Chinken reminds me of the Red Rock Deli's potato chips! Haha! Yum yum! Karen... if you ever read this... haha! K, I dunno what. I'm just reminded of you when I think of Red Rock Deli chips coz u said u like it alot. Haha!

Anyways, spent some time taking random photos discretely (hmm... how do u spell it? It looks funny... d-i-s-c-r-e-t-l-y ?) with my super high ISO, weather-proof, compact, spoilt lens cover Olympus mju D800. Think at the end of the day, there were 40+ shots only. Haha! And I don't think I got everyone who were present coz some of 'em were just leaving early quietly... sorry Melisa.

But I think the highlight of the night for me was to see Jack & ST get into a prety heated debate on english words & chinese characters. Haha! K, Jack was for english being easier to read, thus not straining your eyes; ST was for chinese requiring less time to read, coz a few chinese characters would require many english words to replace, thus not straining your eyes too. Then they started a verbal war on what english words would require more characters in mandarin to replace. Haha! It was hilarious, I tell u... It went on to studies done by people, case studies where ST demanded the sample size and Jack just made up one & ST took it so seriously, and published papers and references and what-not... haha! It was craziness! The rest of us were just sitting around the living room laughing till our tummies ached. Haha!

Well, it all died down somehow, and we all left the place no more enlightened, nor any more caring about whether english or mandarin words strain our eyes more... I would summarize the night as not too bad... enjoyed it more than I expected to... =) Which is good! Yay!

Here're some nice photos of the night's going-ons! =D

Yep! And we all got home safe and sound... at least, for those in Judy's car... =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the way back, I was talking to Judy & she was asking why I wanted to stay on in Brisbane so much... My answer was coz of OCF. I really really like it... and I would like to be involved with OCF for as long as I can, make a difference to people's lives, have them make a difference in mine, just a good place to challenge each other to learn & to grow & to be rooted firmly in GOD's word. Then Judy mentioned that OCF has a pretty high turnover rate... as in, people come & go very quickly, so if my interest is in the people in OCF, I need to consider the turnover rate too. And I got thinking, well, I guess there'd be at least a couple who'd be staying for a long time... Even now, there's Jasmine & Debbie & Mel & Vic & Cheryl & Jessica & Ernest & Rebecca... did I get them right? Yeah, I hope I did. A couple of years is alot of time to develop a deep-enough relationship... ya? Ya? *nods in self-conviction*

Yep... it is.

Hmm... see, there really was more than just 1 thought-provoking revelation. Thing is, I have yet to remember those issues... so-o-o... until I do, I think I need to sleep. 10am service at KBC tmr... yep!

Even a month or less can lead to unbelievable depths.

Love me if you dare... 21:27
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Thursday, July 05, 2007

Random...

Hello people...

Just read Debbie's blog entry about clubbing & how we shouldn't be "endorsing" it by going, and I thought, yeah, she should quit it... even if it seems meaningful, even if it's to gather old friends & catch up. I mean, surely there are better places to and ambience to catch up and to let loose than a pub or a club?

At the end of her entry, she mentioned me! Haha! Yay! And to reply you, Debbie, if you ever read this, you're very welcome. It's the least I could do short of being physically there to talk to you, encourage you, and maybe give you a lil' hug or somethin' before your papers. A verse I sent to someone today:

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."
-Proverbs 12:25

That sums up why, I suppose? =)

And talk about results, how could I not have blogged about my results? Haha! Ok, they're not fantastic (as usual), but I thank GOD, really really thank GOD that this is the best I've ever gotten.

ENTM3001 (Insect Diversity and Identification) : 5 (credit)
BIOL3011 (Plant-microbe Insect Interactions): 6 (distinction)
PARA3001 (Marine Parasitology): 7 (high distinction)

GPA for this sem: 6!

Yay! Ya-a-a-ay!!!

Ok, I shall stop it. It's my first 7 ever, and unfortunately, it's gonna be my last. Sadly, my overall GPA for all 3 semesters is below 6. Let's see: 5, 6, 5, 5, 4, 5, 5, 6, 7... tha-a-at's... only 5.33. *sigh* Oh wells... all the way from PSLE to O's to poly, and now uni, I guess it just goes to show I'm not that cut out for studying. I mean, I do well enough, but not exceptionally. Makes me wonder if I'm wasting my parent's efforts and money for sending me over here to study. Sorry to disappoint y'all... I don't think I've done my best either, but life here is more than just study to me. It's growing up, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... especially spiritually.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went to 小臺北 at SunnyBanks to eat just now. Melvyn likes the 十字路口 there... It's a western food store at a food court. Good steak, cheap price. Had a New York Steak set just now, Melvyn & Jesslyn shared a Combination Steak set (beef, pork, chicken).

After dinner, as we headed towards the car, auntie wanted to go into the supermarket there. Haha! Once again, we bought a huge load of stuff... I think when the girls are back, they're gonna kill me for not stopping them from buying lor, coz unless Jesslyn brings the food back to Canberra, it's all gonna be given to them. But how to stop? Auntie is like buying as if she's gonna stay here for a couple of months like that. Haha! Luckily Melvyn thought so too, and kinda curbed her BBB virus. =D We still bought lots anyways.

Headed back to Ind'roo, coz it's Thursday. Walked around in K-Mart looking for sale items. Auntie somehow wandered off somewhere, Melvyn & Jesslyn were holding hands & looking at stuff, I just felt kinda weird hanging out with the family. Feel so outta place, y'know? Maybe I shouldn't be staying at the Manors. Maybe I should go back to ol'Ind'roo. At least I'll be alone alone. And I can wonder & ponder & think all I want without concern about bothering others. It's better than being around people and yet still feel alone. Y'know what I mean? It makes no difference even if I hung out with all the friends I have here... something's missing.

And it's not coming back anytime soon...

*sigh*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"why is everything crashing down?"

How do you answer that? I don't know sweetie. Maybe it's not? Maybe... maybe all we need is to come to GOD and trust in HIM, and we can run into HIS breast and cry and be like the child we are to HIM, and just weep our hearts out... and we can know that HE feels our pain and HE knows our hearts, and HE cares for us. Then we can cry ourselves to sleep in HIS everlasting arms, and HE will give us rest, and HE will comfort us. And we will have peace in us, because we trusted in HIM.

Sometimes I just feel so helpless. I really wish there's something more than just being there that I could do. I wish that I could be the physical arms that hold you close while you pray and talk to GOD, while you cry your heart out to HIM, and your tears will wet my shirt and soak my shoulders, and I will cry with you, and I will pray with you.

But I can't...

I'm sorry...

Love me if you dare... 21:09
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On food & family ties...

I cooked dinner today! Ok, yesterday. Haha! Cooked my "legendary" spicy potato with minced pork, less 2 variants of chillis... Usually I use habaneros, dried chillis, the small chillis, and Vidhya's chilli powder that she left last time. But since I used up her chilli powder & haven't gotten any refills from Jennifer, I haven't been making it. But since today I'm feeding Jesslyn & auntie, who don't usually eat much spice, I only used habaneros and dried chilli.

Haha! Turns out, it was just the right spiciness for them! Yay! And auntie kept eating it & saying, “哇！這個很好吃！” Hahaha! I couldn't believe that she liked it so much lor! Kept eating & eating... aiseh! I dunno whether she saying 客氣話 or if it's really nice lor. But her insistent appraisal made me inclined to think that she really liked it... haha! Yay! So happy!!! *grins all over*

Anyways, Melvyn finally arrived today. His flight was delayed though... made a transit over at Sydney. So tiaow la! But thank GOD he made it here safe & sound. =) I think auntie also happy liao... haha! Like, finally she doesn't need to be the one driving around anymore. Looking forward to see his dad here too! Probably sometime next week. So nice to see them... one happy family.

Which leads me to think about my own family. I envy them quite abit y'know... seeing how Jesslyn & Melvyn are so close, and how they're really filial to their mum (probably dad too), how they stand by each other... Even before I met them, I already knew Jesslyn calls Melvyn very often because many times he would be with us when she called... *nods* Mmm... so nice & heart-warming to have such a supportive family.

Mine, on the other hand, isn't quite like that. Yes, we as children love & respect our parents, but sometimes, we don't... we talk back, we argue, we don't listen. Although mostly these aren't rude arguments or talking back, it's so different when u compare it with them. I'm closer to Shawn now than before, most prob because of his involvment with the youths in church and his nurturing of some of the more senior youths. Like, they're the link that brings us both closer these recent years. I also try to be closer to Evelyn, to be to her like a brother should be... I want to be someone whom she can confide in, someone she can count on to hear her laugh, to hear her cry, to turn to when her friends aren't there for her, or when she falls out with her boyfriend, that kinda thing, y'know? But we never got there. Somehow, either one of us is resisting or not opening up or unwilling to make that first step to closeness, or all 3. And we don't confide in our parents... none of us do, I think. Our relationship with them is pretty superficial. Then again, it has to do with all our lifestyles being poles apart, if there were 5 poles instead of 2.

Shawn: Married, working, studying, 2 kids to look after. Only sees mum when she visits.
Evelyn: Works late into the night, sleeps in sometimes, leaves home before daybreak sometimes, don't get to see anyone much.
Mum: Gets up early, goes to work, sleeps pretty late but not late enough to see Evelyn for long.
Dad: Flies around the world, sleeps & wakes when he does. Don't get to see anyone even if he doesn't sleep.
Me: Flew to Brisbane, sleeps & wakes when I do, doesn't get to see anyone anyways.

Yet, looking at us individually, I think we're pretty alright. Shawn's handling his life pretty ok... serving GOD in more ways than one. Evelyn's taking care of her life the way she likes it, the way she knows how... Mum's spending time doing what she enjoys, even though at times it gets tiring for her. Dad's travelling the world giving workshops and sermons and whatnot... giving his life to GOD, almost totally it would seem. Me? I'll graduate with a Bachelor of Science in another 15days. I'm probably the least settled now in my family. But I believe GOD will bring me through the next couple of years, to settle me down, maybe even to start a family? Hahaha! Although it's quite scary to think I'd be fathering someone anytime soon, GOD's plans are higher than ours and we definitely shouldn't rule that out. *grin*

Somehow, we turn out ok... ok enough, at least.

I still wish we were a closer family though...

On the verge of withdrawal symptoms. Need some distractions. Need some inspiration. Need some motivation. Need... need lotsa chocolates. Need you by my side...

Love me if you dare... 00:29
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