Colorless

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down...

It's been raining constantly since Sunday. Or was it Monday? Whatever...

It's nice weather to be gloomy... because the environment is conducive, and is literally gloomy too. And Jun's been feeling kinda down lately too... Just now while on MSN with her, she was saying the weather and school work contributed to all the gloominess, and I agreed with the weather part. Makes me wanna go take a slow long walk in the rain & sob & cry also... but then I got nothing to cry about also. Hahaha! Shit.

I just had a 150min battle with the FrontierTour website fighting for 2 tickets to Justin TImberlake's Futuresex/Loveshow Tour, which will be here in Brisbane in October. No no, it's not for me. I was trying to get it for Karen & Yujun. But the stupid website cannot access coz I suspect they've got a fairly low server space, plus I bet the whole of Brisbane is trying to get the pre-sale tickets too... PLUS people who actually vie with fans for tickets so they can jack up the price and sell them on eBay... the bastards. *grrr* Anyways, I lost the battle. F5 doesn't give me quick enough refreshments to slip amongst the torrent of fans desperately trying to gain access into the website. Sorry Jun... sorry Ren...

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Hmm... didn't actually intend to blog, but since I've got a couple of things I had wanted to blog about previously, I'll type them out.

Firstly, many weeks ago, I was on a bus on the way home. Nearby there were these 2 Aussie kids (kids being 18-20+yrs old) talking about Marine Biology. I'd say they must've been imbeciles from what they were saying...

"I don't understand why people study Marine Biology. Like, what do you do?"
"Identify fish? But everything is a fish!"
"Hahaha! Yeah... (mock voice) I'll take this to the lab... Hahaha!"
"Yeah yeah! Hmm... lemme see... I think it's a... fish! Hahahaha!"

Eh, come on la. There's more to just bloody fishes in the sea ok. And there're different kinds of fishes, if you don't know. So please, if you don't know anything about what you want to criticize, don't. It just shows everyone how ignorant you are, not to mention stupid. *pffft*

K... glad I got that out. Something else I've always wondered... how do the ultra-rich view money? It's like, to them, money is a non-problem coz they've got shitloads of it. Do the rich still go for bargains when there's a sale? Do the rich buy things from eBay coz they're cheaper? Do the rich choose to go to hawker centres over restaurants because they can spend less? Do the rich keep buying technological gadgets that become obsolete in a matter of months, just because they can? Do the rich always want to get the best of whatever they're getting that money can buy? Best car, best pen, best mobile, best watch, best shades, best TV, best MP3 player, best gaming console, best PC, best Mac, best microwave, best chair, best clothes, best haircut, best shaver, best property, best women, best sex, best beer, best holiday experience, best helicopter, best submarine? Do they care if these things aren't the best?

Hmm... somewhere above while I'm furiously typing all those things out, I lost my point.

*thinks*

Anyways... what if a Christian were to be filthy rich? Would he still choose GOD over all that is his in this world? Hey, he could get anything he wants, almost. Sometimes I wish this "misfortune" would befall me (who doesn't?) so that I can know if my faith in GOD stands in the face of worldly glory and riches and power. Would my principles change? Would my faith be undermined? But these things will come when they do. For now, all I can do is actively seek HIS will.

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I don't know if my boss filed an application to be a sponsor and to nominate me for a work visa. I sent him 2 emails in the past 3 weeks... I know I should call him instead but I'm giving him time to do those applications. But what if he doesn't want me enough to file an application on time? My student visa expires next Thursday. If I have yet to submit an application by then, I'd have to fly back. And my dad wants me to go back coz it's expensive to live here. But flying to & fro isn't exactly cheap also right? The worse thing is I'm still ok with staying or leaving.

To me, getting "Yes" as an answer from Andy was like a "Yes" from GOD for me to stay on in Australia. At that time, I was at a fork in my life... and it seemed that GOD had allowed me to stay on in Australia. Yet now, I seem to have made a U-turn to end up back at the fork again. And once again I don't know what to do.

I guess I should start packing soon. Might have to go back on Thursday.

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I don't wanna go because of you. Not just because, but you're part of it. Yet, being together all the time doesn't seem enough. Quality really does beat quantity eh? Hands down, I'd say. Yet I can't expect much from you because we're not anything more than dating couples. Maybe it's not the right time... what with all the school work and umpiring and worship and Bible studies and midsems and assignments, all the people you're working on, people who need you more than I do... people who mean so much more than anything you've ever cared about... maybe it's not time yet.

*sigh*

Sometimes it's not about what I want. Sometimes I just want to know, need to know, need to hear, need to see, need to feel like you want me around. I don't wanna be around just because I wanna be around. D'you know what I mean?

What if I really do have to go back on Thursday?

GOD, what do YOU want me to do? Where do YOU want me to be? Should I even be asking YOU these questions? Does it show that I have little faith? It does, doesn't it?

Love me if you dare... 13:12
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