Colorless

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

...

I'm not in a very good mood these days.

Things keep getting in my way and things always don't turn out the way I expected.

I get irritated easily, I am impatient...

Don't get on my nerves...

To make matters worse:

"Dear applicant

It is with regret that I inform you that you were not successful for the
advertised position of Insectary Technician at The University of Queensland.

I also wish to apologise for the delay in advising you and wish you well in
your endeavours to secure employment... "

Go to hell...

Please, just... go... away...

Love me if you dare... 00:22
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Sunday, November 25, 2007

Nothing to show...

=(

I'm scared...

What if I have nothing to show that's worthy of you?

Love me if you dare... 23:34
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Sunday, November 18, 2007

iPod Touch

Best... Once again, I didn't follow my instinct. And when there was a flash of lightning, *poof* My laptop just got cut of its power. -_-

Anyways, I shall type again.

I played with the iPod Touch that came with my 3Mbps Singtel plan! Wow! Nice interface, nice visuals, very slim, very nice. It's got WiFi, and coupled with the preinstalled Safari, one can surf the net almost anywhere now! How cool is that! After playing with it awhile, I feel like I want an iPod Touch too... yet, at only 8GB (or even 16GB), I think Apple's pretty stupid to launch this thing. And the people who pay for it aren't any smarter... unless of course, they're not hardcore music people. *shrugs*

I think it uses the same kind of memory as the new Nano, hence it's thinness... Nonetheless, if I had a choice, I'd much rather it be the same thickness as the 30GB iPod Video and be at least 30GB... now that would be a drooler... haha! Oh wells... u can't have everything.

Anyways, remember I went to Bugis to meet Simin, Bernice and Gin Gin on Tuesday? I didn't mention that I saw those handphone pouches going for $9.90 and I wanted to go & buy... then after abit of pondering, I decided, $9.90 isn't all that cheap. Besides, why buy when I can make my own? Hahaha! So yes, I'm gonna make now.

Oh, just decided to let u all see what it's gonna be like.

2 loops so I can hang whichever direction.
2 zips at either end for whichever direction.
1 detachable belt loop.

Denim outside, felt inside. Yeah!

K, when it's done, I might take pictures & post it... =)

Love me if you dare... 17:00
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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Moulting...

Oh yes, just a random thought whilst I was working today.

Know how I say I've been itching alot the past few days? Now I'm peeling as if I'm moulting... and it just occurred to me that snakes rub themselves against rocks and bark to moult. But what causes them to want to moult? Can't they just let the old skin burst open? I dunno... maybe something bad will happen if they do. So GOD made it such that creatures that need to moult their skin, they itch! That's why they scrape along rough edges and surfaces to soothe that itch, thereby tearing their old skin!

Does that make sense? It makes a whole lot of sense to me, though I don't know for sure if they feel itchy.

Anyways, just thought I'd let you think about my thoughts, IF any of you actually DO think about my thoughts. Haha!

Love me if you dare... 01:25
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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

D-Day...

Today is the day... but nothing happened between us. Nothing has happened since I came back 2 months and 13 days ago, and this couple of days (or perhaps weeks) wouldn't be any different.

But today was an interesting day... I was asked to go out on delivery, but I said I had something on at 6:45pm at Bugis. So they said I could go off from there, then someone will help me punch card. Yay! Saved on a trip to town!

So during delivery, on my way into the loading bay at Parkway Parade, guess what? I saw Heng (from BMTC, then SISPEC, followed by Signal Institute) riding on his bike, against traffic!!! Hahaha! SMSed him and we talked about meeting up sometime soon. Haha!

On my way to lunch, I heard a distinctive "Shit! It's in the basement la!" Guess who? Sarah Chan (my ex- ex-girlfriend) on the escalator, with I think it was her sis... Debra. Haha! Not very sure coz I was walking by incredibly fast, plus I didn't really have the time to engage in a conversation.

So I went on to deliver goods to (not in order) Vivocity, Parkway Parade, Raffles City, Chinatown OG and Bugis Junction. Then I was dropped off at Raffles City to go and meet Bernice, Simin & Gin Gin for dinner! But the main purpose was to get Bernice a very belated birthday gift... We got her a Renoma wallet. Yay!

But wait! Before I met them, guess who I saw? MELVYN!!! With his girlfriend, Tammy!!! Yes! So cool right? To think I was just talking to Mel (abit) about meeting him! Hahaha! So anyways, we had a short chat on the way to meet the ladies... and we parted with an agreement for dinner sometime after Mel & the rest came back. Coo-ool...

So, after getting the wallet, it was time to go home. I decided to walk to take 166... from Funan there. So I started walking, detangling my earphones as I do. Guess who I saw? Jimmy Yong (from SISPEC, and then SI)! Wah seh... apparently he set up his own business and is doing quite well... so talk talk abit also la, catch up abit... haha!

Then I got to the junction of Victoria St and Middle Rd... and looking both ways, I decided that walking to Peace Centre was shorter than walking to Funan, plus I'll be 2 stops ahead (meaning there's a higher chance I can catch a bus that I would probably miss if I had gone to Funan). So there, I turned right and started walking. When I reached the bus stop, I sat down to wait... Wa-a-ah, two 147's, three 64's, two 65's, a 131 and a 139 went by, no 166. Thank Apple for iPod man... and thank Sennheiser for good earphones! Whee!!! So bo bian, just sit & wait lor... Wait wait waiting... guess who I saw? Laverne!!! Wow! To think that as I was walking towards Peace Centre, I was wondering if I'd bump into her, since I bumped into so many people already! Today really was a meet-the-people day! So we chatted some more, caught up abit, and unbelievably, 147 came first!!! By the time I got up my bus, it was 10:47pm... I left Bugis at about 9:45pm... I know coz I wanted to go back & look at pouches for my iPod. 1 bloody hour can... *sheesh* Simin just reached home when I just got on the bus... *bleah*

So anyways, the thing I was really amazed and had to blog about was meeting 9 people, which was made up of 6 unintentional and 3 intentional meet-ups! So cool!

Ok ok... *cools down*

*grin*

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know I don't NEED to... but I WANT to... I want to so much.

How to don't compare? Of course, I know it's not a fair comparison... but the point is the ability to go back... Aiyah... whatever la. No matter how much I compare, no matter how many reasons/excuses there are, the end result is that I still can't go back.

*unreasonably dejected*

Love me if you dare... 23:55
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Monday, November 12, 2007

O's...

Tomorrow is the last day...

What should I do?

Love me if you dare... 23:27
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Sunday, November 11, 2007

Disney Channel

Once again, Disney Channel has portrayed to us the highly unlikely (but not impossible) event that a divorce will end in a very amiable relationship between husband, wife and daughter, including the addition of a new husband (father) AND an unborn child in the mother's womb.

I mean, it's not even very possible for exes to be on good terms after a breakup...

*sigh*

If you're wondering, the show is Disney's very own: Cadet Kelly, starring Christie Carlson Romano (Even Stevens and voice of Kim Possible) and Hilary Duff (Lizzie McGuire). Nevertheless, it's a nice show, watch it.

And since I'm blogging today, might as well blog what I did today. Won't take long, I promise.

It all started last night... I couldn't sleep because of my itching, sunburnt skin... And it's not constant itching at a constant place. It's like, intermittent itch that itches just enough for you to want to scratch, at random places all over your back. It's never on the front, I wonder why. And in other to scratch that part, you're forced to bend your arm at weird angles so you can't sleep continuously. The catch is: I can't scratch! Coz it hurts! So I can only touch and "smooth" my skin out... and no matter how I turned & tossed, it'll come back after a few seconds of lying down. So it was like that all the way until 3+... and I had to wake up at 7:30am.

I could wake up, but I chose to snooze for 15min, which would still grant me enough time to get to church on time. Little did I know, the next time I got up, it was 10am already, and I had a very bad headache when I did. It was as though I had a drop too much... everything was swirling around! What was worse was that I couldn't get back to sleep, having slept for like 7h. So I had to just lie there with my eyes open, unable to do anything... When I did stand up, it felt like I was gonna puke any moment... gosh! Was I glad I didn't go to church... I'd have died... or wished myself dead.

Anyways, I decided to wash down 2 Panadols and try to go to sleep... which worked... and I woke up at 3 feeling much better... the remnant of the headache was tolerable and I plopped onto the sofa to watch cartoons... Heh... 1 day gone like that. What a waste...

Tomorrow's another day at work. My back & shoulders are still painful, though much less painful. Yet, I still don't feel like working. I think I need to find a more interesting job soon... *sigh*

Love me if you dare... 20:46
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Screwed up

Screwed up... aren't I?

Yep...

Love me if you dare... 00:27
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Saturday, November 10, 2007

Carnage

I think I might have found out the unconscious reason why I really really wanna go back to Australia to work... and to stay there... It is to escape the almost daily psychological, mental and emotional carnage that is my family... a daily grind.

Tonight, the spark plug for this explosion was the printer. Mum wanted to install the printer on the computer, so obviously the com needed to detect the printer. Sis took it into her room some time ago coz no one was really using it outside... so now my mum wanted her to bring it out so she could connect it. Is there anything wrong with that? No right? Does it sound difficult? No right? I seriously fail to understand what caused the outburst from my sis... she just started talking loudly, and went on to shouting about how troublesome it is, and how stupid my mum is about not knowing how to install stuff, and why if she doesn't know, doesn't she wanna go and LEARN how to... *lost* If you can find a glimmer of light in this chaos, please enlighten me...

Anyways, my dad was in the room all this while, and obviously, when he heard the commotion, he got frustrated and came out & started scolding too. Scold scold scold scold, in the end, he said he's gonna buy another printer... like, what for?! Wah piang eh... *shakes head*

What totally boggles me, what blew me off, was just before that, we all had a nice Japanese dinner at Raffles Town Club. So happy, talk talk talk, walk walk walk, eat, drink... like a happy family like that. I am totally unable to comprehend this... this... flip of moods or anger or whatever you might call it.

Obviously, a war at home couldn't leave me unaffected. So I guess that was why I became "quiet and grouchy"... I'm really sorry. Plus, I can't be saying whatever I wanna say to you in front of them right? I really need to be alone next time...

*sigh*

Had another few songs initially... but this post isn't the right mood to have songs... except, maybe those angsty songs... which I don't have... much...

G'night... =(

Love me if you dare... 23:42
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Thursday, November 08, 2007

Red as a lobster

What started out to be a gloomy day quickly turned into a great day filled with fun, sun, sand, sea, toddlers, prata and spilled curry... plus free food and drinks, courtesy of Uncle Lian Fa! Wa-a-ay... =)

Though I had expected more people to turn up, only Shawn & family, Bingjun, myself, Anqi, and later on, Simin. But that was good enough. Haha! We built little blocks of sand using tiny pails and used jelly cups and other containers. I built a volcano with a shaft as deep as my arm, or more... but lacking models of any sort to make the scene more complete, I added roots as trees, grasses as... well, grasses. And stones as villages. Heh... pity I didn't have a picture of it...

Anyways, all of us were under the sun for quite some time, and Shawn & myself were quite badly burnt... haha! Simin turned pretty red too, and little Phi had a cross on her back because of her tiny bikini top. Haha! And I just found out today that Bingjun missed a part of his back while applying sunblock, so he's hurting too. Hahaha!

Speaking of hurting, today, work was a torture. Though I wouldn't say that it's agonizing, the pain is still pretty sharp, and I become quite cautious of how I move and where I'm moving... hence, no way am I gonna do OT tomorrow... I'll stay at home, topless...

Which brings me to wonder if I should go xiaozu anot. To be honest, I don't really feel like going. I don't find that it stimulates my mind enough... and I feel some of those who attend are like, don't really care what's going on, and there's no respect for elders... The impression I get is that they're there because everyone else is there (not that there're alot of "everyone" lah), and they're just wanting to have fun and dinner... Am I wrong?

*sigh*

I have some songs I heard throughout the past week that reminded me of different people. But right now, I'm too lazy to look for the lyrics, add in the punctuation marks and copy and paste in here... perhaps I gotta have the mood for posting songs...

And did I mention how demoralized I get when there hasn't been any reply from Professor Scott O'Neill? I feel like I'm not meant to go back to Brisbane to work... Although I say I leave it in GOD's hands to open and close doors to show me where HE wants me to serve, I know deep in me, I'm still a rebel. I want Brisbane for various reasons, most of which do not encompass GOD in any way. I guess that's why HE's not letting me there eh? *sigh*

I like sighing... it gives me a sense of... relief? Of... rest? I dunno.

*sigh*

Love me if you dare... 23:17
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Monday, November 05, 2007

Work...

Work is as boring as ever...

I think I'm allergic to cardboard cartons. I'm having itchy spots at my elbow-pits where the cartons rest when I'm carrying them most of the time...

And have I ever said how tempting it is to just STEAL something from the shelves? I'm thinking they don't do stock-takes very often and it'll be a lo-o-o-ong time before anyone discovers anything missing and it's close to impossible to find out who stole what. Besides, 4 cameras, I already located 3, I think. And from my expertise in this field, it's not a difficult feat at all. The only things holding me back are: knowing that it's wrong, and, not knowing what to do with whatever I stole after I steal them. So please, don't ask me to take anything for you... haha!

Auntie Anna SMSed me today asking if I'm interested to work in church office for like 2 months, starting 2 weeks from now. Pay is higher, plus CPF, plus not as much manual labour as what I'm doing here, plus people I know (well, some at least). Sounds good? Not really. Knowing people just puts me in an obliging position and I can't just quit when I don't like my job. And I bet most of my job would be administrative... and that's ultra boring, although I haven't done any before. Besides, being in close quarters with Christians means I have to be nice and always smiley and make small talk with them... and it'll always be superficial things. And then there might be office politics to deal with since it's an office environment. *shudders* So, I got until the weekend to decide if I want anot. Hmm...

Ok, that's it tonight. No deep thoughts, no songs, no nothing. Just plain passing thoughts. =)

G'night!

Love me if you dare... 23:44
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Exasperated

Please! You're not lousy ok!

C'mon! If you say you're lousy, what about me? I graduated, so what? It's only because I'm like, 4 years older than you! And look at my results for EVERY semester, not just LAST...

1st semester, I got GPA of less than 6 also...
2nd semester, I got GPA of less than 5! How? Kill myself?
3rd semester, by GOD's grace, I got GPA of 6.

So how? Praise GOD lor! In good times and bad times, praise GOD for HIS faithfulness!

Your favourite song from the book of Job:

"Blessed Be Your name
In the land that is plentiful,
Where Your streams of abundance flow,
Blessed be Your name.

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place,
Though I walk through the wilderness,
Blessed Be Your name.

Every blessing You pour out,
I'll turn back to praise.
When the darkness closes in, Lord,
Still I will say,

Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be Your glorious name!

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me,
When the world's 'all as it should be',
Blessed be Your name.

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering,
Though there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be Your name.

You give and take away.
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say,
Lord, blessed be Your name."

-Matt Redman: Blessed Be Your Name

Remember the lyrics? If not, here they are. And look! Everything comes from GOD, so even if we don't do well in one area of life (which, by the way, is GOD-given as well), GOD blesses us to be wonderful in other ways! Don't dictate what GOD should give you. If a puppet & puppetmaster is the picture you choose to see, then GOD is the puppetmaster, and we, the puppets. We're under HIS sovereign rule. There's nothing that's up to us except to believe in HIM, have faith in HIM, and praise HIS name for everything life has in store for us.

"Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me,
When the world's 'all as it should be',
Blessed be Your name.

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering,
Though there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be Your name."

Now, please, don't think lowly of yourself. My previous post said, 一山還有一山高。Don't you think that's true? You're just like me, always comparing yourself with others. But I do hope that you're also just like me, in the sense that it's just a passing phase for you... GOD has given you much more than just studies... Have faith in HIM k?

*hugs*

Smile?

Love me if you dare... 00:03
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Sunday, November 04, 2007

Inferiority Complex

一山還有一山高。

Yet, knowing this idiom doesn't mean anything. We still like to compare.

And when I start to compare myself with everyone else out there, *sigh*

It's like, so many people liked u... I do wonder why you don't like them. And why do u like me?

K, I know these are unreasonable questions... I don't know how to express myself either, so I just had to type it out... Ignore me.

I think I'm really seriously suffering from inferiority complex. Haha! Oh wells... it's just a phase. There will be one where I feel confident of my own abilities and plus points... *shrugs*

Love me if you dare... 21:34
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Saturday, November 03, 2007

Macros!!!

Hmm... it's been a really long time since I last blogged. And yes, I did "shut down" my blog for awhile... I've edited what I wanted to.

Anyways, today has been a good day. =) But not initially... really. Haha! I wanted to go to the Botanical Gardens, thinking there'd be LOADS & LOADS of flower, and hence, insects... but NO-O-O! I walked from the Tanglin entrance ALL-LL the way to the Bukit Timah Exit where the Children's Garden is... guess how many photos I took in all?

55. F-i-f-t-y f-i-v-e. Fifty-five! And that includes flowers too ok...

Ok, nevermind. I just finished 1 battery only. So I decided to go to MacRitchie to look for more insects. With 2 batteries to go, I trudged into a previously unexplored (on my part la) area/trail of MacRitchie. Not knowing how long the trail would take, I went onwards optimistically. Wah, on the way, got alot of boys and girls running lor... with the occasional auntie & uncle as well... and quite alot of foreigners too!

As the day wore on, I got tired, and my water finished at like 2 or 3+... so I told myself, I'd go home at the next exit to any main road, or when my batteries run out, whichever came first. In the end, I found the exit but it was quite a distance from the main road, so I kept my camera on & took many more photos! Just nice when I got to the main road, the battery indicator started blinking red. So cool! Guess how many photos I got at the end?

368. Three hundred and sixty-eight... Yay!!!

Of course, there were a whole lot of repeats, and a whole lot of, in my opinion, unusable pictures... meaning out of focus. In the end, I only chose 37 photos for my portfolio. Haha! Lousy... only 1/10th usable pictures.

Anyways, GOD has been good... Weather report said that today would be the same as yesterday... thunderstorms. But I prayed for the rain to be held back today, and though the skies were cumulonimbus-y after the Botanic Gardens, not a drop of rain fell... well, at least, not where I have been. And thank GOD for all the insects and the photogenic opportunities! And for not letting me die of hunger or anything... AND for not getting a SINGLE mozzie bite! Dengue's dangerous y'know?

So yup! That's today... =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

*sigh*

Y'know when u told me about ur chance-meeting with her, and what she said & did & all... *sigh* I dunno if u could tell but I was on the verge of tears. I felt even worse for doing this to her... and the worse part is, I can't do anything to make anything better!

=((((

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Having said that, do you think I'm ready for another relationship? I'm not saying I don't want... I just feel that it's not fair to you to always be so affected so easily, y'know what I'm sayin'?

Of course, I have already been unfair to indulge in these emotions with you... haven't I?

I'm sorry. I really am.

I know words don't mean much, but what else can I do now?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel my wings have broken in your hands,
I feel the words unspoken inside,
And they pull you under.
And I will give you anything you want,
You are all I wanted.
All my dreams are fallin' down,
Crawlin' around and around and around...

Somebody save me,
Let your warm hands break right through it.
Somebody save me,
I don't care how you do it, just
Stay, stay,
C'mon, I've been waiting for you.

I see the world has folded in your heart,
I feel the waves crash down inside,
And they pull me under.
And I would give you anything you want,
You are all I wanted.
All my dreams have fallen down,
Crawling around and around and around...

I made this whole world shine for you...
Just stay, stay,
C'mon, I'm still waiting for you."

-Remy Zero: Save Me

Love me if you dare... 21:50
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