Colorless

Friday, April 25, 2008

Money go down the ho-o-o-ole...

Crap... I just checked my PayPal and I realised I have spent about SGD$150++ on online shopping since 30 March. Great... and I still haven't gotten everything that I want. Hahaha!

So you see, online shopping is addictive and dangerous. In fact, it's dangerous BECAUSE it's addictive. The amounts that depart your world are so subtle that if you don't check, you would get a big shock when you eventually do check. Hahaha! Like the fats you accumulate so quickly when you don't exercise for half a year or so...

*shudders*

Hahaha! Sa-a-ave me-e-e-e!!!

Love me if you dare... 12:12
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Haunting...

This morning, there was a joke in office... something about being torn between 2 lovers... torn in a sarcastic sense, of course.

Nevertheless, that brought an oldie to mind... a really nice, yet really sad song by Mary MacGregor... Over the next few hours, that song kept itself playing over and over again, like a broken record in my head. Then in a moment of... enlightenment, the lyrics came razor-sharp into focus, the parallel with my past one year ago cutting into my being...

"There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind,
Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt.
Before I say another word let me tell you, I love you.
Let me hold you close and say these words as gently as I can.

There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved,
But that doesn't mean I love you less.
And he knows he can't possess me and he knows he never will,
There's just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill.

Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool,
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules.
Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool,
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules.

You mustn't think you've failed me
Just because there's someone else.
You were the first real love I ever had.
And all the things I ever said,
I swear they still are true,
For no one else can have the part of me I gave to you.

I couldn't really blame you if you turned and walked away,
But with everything I feel inside, I'm asking you to stay."

-Mary MacGregor: Torn Between Two Lovers

I don't think I have forgiven myself...

I'm sorry.

Love me if you dare... 11:13
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Demoralized... =(

It's really depressing after studying something you enjoy so much, love so much, and then come out fresh and ready to work, but unable to find a job with a jobscope that's something you like. Especially after looking for so long, you become stale already... and the enthusiasm in finding a suitable job dies down alittle, but you're still keeping your eyes peeled. Yet, time after time after time after time, you never find the one job with even a hint of jobscope like what you're after.

Worse still is the fact that you took a bank loan that your family is hardly able to support, thinking that oh, it's easy to pay off that loan soon after graduation coz people would want a graduate student, especially in such a specialized field.

This is all an illusion cleverly conjured by the ever-increasing demands of yesterday's society, which moves on with their requirements and standards so quickly that people who aim to get a bachelor end up having to enter the paper chase and go higher and higher, because everytime they graduate, the benchmark is raised. And when finally they get to a high-up-there position, society thinks that he/she is over-qualified, and in the end, people are still jobless.

Of course there're lots of jobs out there that don't pay so well. Honestly, I'd be willing to do some of them. But unless I become a hermit and a loner physically, emotionally and psychologically, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is gonna be saying, if you're gonna be doing this, why spend so much money to go overseas to study?

Well, interest for one... and for recognition I guess. Yet another deception. In the end, it's not what kind of qualifications you have. It's how successful you are in your field, or in whatever work you're in that matters, that people are gonna see. If you can be the top road-sweeper in Singapore and enter an international road-sweeping championship and eventually become a world-class road-sweeper, people are gonna look at you differently than if you were a PhD with no job. There'll be extremes though. There'll be those who love you and adore you and admire you, and there'll be those who hate you. In the end, if you ask me, it all boils back down to whose opinion you really care about.

So what is this whole post about? *shrugs* Beats me man. I guess I just wanted to rant my frustrations at being unable to find a job after close to a year.

Oh, and I just extended my position at Clariden Leu till the end of June, unofficially. We'll see how the chief thinks. I'm so afraid that I'll invariably end up working in the financial sector... What an ecological destructor...

Love me if you dare... 17:36
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Digital Single Lens Reflex...

Lately, I've been extremely tempted to get new lenses for my FM2n, a film camera. But knowing that my interest and passion in photography will not die anytime soon, I have been looking at lenses that will work on both film SLRs and digital SLRs. And as with any avid photographer who owns a single lens reflex, regardless of film or digital, a self-generating virus known as the BBB virus has struck me. BBB is generic, but I've only known this to occur within the photographic community. It's an acronym, well, more like an initialism, expanded to "Buy Buy Buy", in which case, meaning to buy more and more and more possibly little-used lens and accessories.

However, looking at my areas of interests and most common photographs, I doubt that I would need to get myself super-telephoto lenses like 300mm and beyond. They'd be nice to have, no doubt, but there wouldn't be a need to. Besides, at such long telephotos, the aperture will definitely stop down thus requiring a longer shutter speed, which in turn calls for the need of a tripod, which would be pretty cumbersome if you just wanna take "paparazzi" shots of strangers or friends. Unless you (I) are (am) damn rich and can afford fast (aka large aperture) lenses, it'll be quite hard to shoot at long zooms.

Hence, with my Lumix FZ20 at constant f2.8 throughout the zoom range, I think I've got my telephotos covered. So with film, I'll only take black and white, and maybe slides in future, for more snapshots and abstract works.

Even more recently (past 24hours) have been the urge to invest in a moderate level digital SLR. And since my FM2n is a Nikon, the obvious choice in terms of savings and ubiquity would be a Nikon digital SLR. Disappointingly, in terms of megapixels, I am only going to look at the D40x, D60, or the D80. These cameras are more recent and are more feature packed than the D40, D50 and D70s, I think. But because they're recent, they're expensive. Usually, eBay offers really good offers, first hand or second hand - and they still do! But even at their best offers, the price of a new camera easily reaches $1000+, inclusive of lens. Not to mention the addition of TTL flash systems, extra accessories for specialised fields of photography, extra batteries for extended outdoor photography periods, this is gonna be one heck of a hobby.

Anyway, my dSLR will mostly serve in indoor photography, and maybe dusk and dawn photos because of the MUCH MUCH MUCH better high ISO performance over ANY ultra-compact, compact and prosumer cameras, even with Fuji's Super CCD (which has the BEST noise control in non-dSLR cameras). So yes, counterintuitively, I have chosen a dSLR for indoor snapshots rather than a comparatively poor well-performing noise control Fuji compact camera.

The problem now is if I will buy a cheaper body first and upgrade the body in future. After all, I will buy optically acceptable lenses since I'm not a pixel-peeker, and these lenses will be keepers for future body upgrades (I'm sounding like Transformers... body upgrades *pshh*)...

D60? D40x? D80?

*sigh*

Love me if you dare... 15:48
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Wonderful... -.-

Great... now I smell like cigarette smoke...

And I can't get things right...

Just great...

Love me if you dare... 14:20
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Friday, April 11, 2008

Pre-nightwalk walk!

Hai... so irritating.

After an evening of mini-adventure, I come home to a pot of mouldy japanese curry and no rice at all... Seriously... what the heck! I should've just kept my food in the fridge. Shit. I didn't know I'd have to resort to tupperwares when I'm at home.

What's worse is that I cooked because I wanted to save money. In the end, I spent more money on it than I would have had I bought dinner. I feel shitty. Hai... Every little effort I make to try and scrimp & save seems to go down the drain... (k, obviously, that's an exaggeration) I hate this!

Anyways, I'm not letting this affect my evening...

I had a great time taking photos of sunset, though today's not very spectacular, and there were pesky kids fishing for crayfish, and there was also this egoistic photographer with some high-end dSLR and probably Cokin filters taking photos too... and I can't to where I want coz I'd block his field of view. Some people think if you have a bigger camera, you have the right of way. Sheesh!

Anyways, I waited till the sun was gone, which was about 7:30pm... not extremely dark, but dark enough. I decided to walk the short 900m of the Lower Peirce Boardwalk up to Casuarina Drive to buy dinner for my dad... in the dark. Yeah yeah! Sure, I got my mini Q40 with me, but I was pretty determined not to use it.

Oh my, what a different experience it is, walking in pitch black and walking in broad daylight! The first very obvious difference is the sounds you hear. Shall not elaborate here until after the real hike. When you walk in the dark and all the noises around you seem so close, you just begin to freak out, especially when you're alone. I admit there was a point I almost turned around and walked back the way I came... but I didn't wanna have to blog about that, so I trudged on. Haha!

I saw fireflies!!! Well, just 2... but that's good enough. I've never seen fireflies in Singapore, ever!

K, I'm completely distracted by Hannah Montana and I lost my train of thought. Anyways, I'm thinking of organizing a pre-nightwalk walk which will end in dinner. Haha! That's if people are interested la... we shall see about it. It'll be a tiny glimpse of what the actual one will be like. =)

Anyways, here're a couple of my sunset shots today... =)

I really like the last one. Ok I admit I tinkered abit here and there. It's one of my first HDR images, plus a couple of tweaks.

Ok! G'night people! Gotta do my 2 Timothy 2:2 clinic homework! =)

Love me if you dare... 20:44
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Library

I returned my 1343pg book to the Central Lending Library today, coz I thought it would be too cumbersome to lug it around everyday. In return, I borrowed 3 other books titled:

Darwin's Origin of Species, by Janet Browne
Spineless Wonders: Strange Tales from the Invertebrate World, by Richard Cornniff
Life in the Undergrowth, by David Attenborough

I'm gonna read Origin of Species first, coz that was the original one I had wanted to read for a long time. But I just saw that it says "A Biography"... so maybe I won't find what I want to in there after all, after which, I'd just return it. No big...

Anyways, as I mentioned last night, I brought my camera and tripod along in anticipation of a beautiful sunset tonight. But the skies this afternoon were kind of a disappointment. The west looks so gray it seems the clouds are enveloping the island. Nevertheless, I shall bring all my gear to the reservior tonight and hope that the rains, if it does fall, will stop and the skies will clear enough for some evening rays to pierce through. Combined with the element of water and trees in the foreground, that's gonna make for a dramatic sunset! Hopefully, the skies will be red as yesterday. Haha! I'm guessing maybe it's the time of the year that causes the angle of the sun's rays to refract into such magnificent colors.

Just before I started blogging, I was trying to draw some humans. Women, to be exact. Ladies... Their curvy body forms seem so elegantly simple to draw; so gracious, so beautiful. But it's not easy to draw... After years of always drawing (not very nicely nor proportionately nor realistically) brawny men with muscular bodies, arms and legs, it's tough to draw, in a couple of strokes, the slender, smooth body of a woman without adding too much muscular bulges here and there. And I can't draw their breasts properly as well! They always seem too high on the chest... as if they were balloons of air stuck to their chest and they're swimming and the balloons just keep wanting to stay afloat. I think a woman's body is much harder to draw than a man's... Sexy babes need the correct proportion of everything, arms, waist, breasts, legs, hair even... You can't have slim arms and legs, then add in super-huge F-cup boobs. They'll look slutty. Haha! And you can't have plumpish arms and legs and waistline, and have tiny boobs, coz then she'd just look like a feminized man. *shudders* In essence, my ladies look like freaks. So I folded the paper horizontally into eight, folded thrice vertically, and dumped it into the dustbin.

On a more technological note, I've been looking up ultrazoom cameras. I really like the manual functions of the Panasonic FZ50, but both it and its predecessor (the FZ30) does not have image quality comparable to their big brother, FZ20, which I own. I need higher resolution!!! Fuji cameras doesn't seem to accept any modifications for optional accessories. Canon can, the S5IS. But I never really liked Canon. They have so many cameras that have such similar specs that I think they're wasting their line-up. Then again, S5IS has got pretty good reviews. *sigh* In the end, I still like my FZ20. At only 5MP, its shots are beautiful. Maybe I'll borrow Melisa's S5IS to test test... but how? Argh! She wouldn't have the accessories I want for macro. Should I buy a 100mm Macro lens for my dad's 350D? Would it be as versatile as my 12x zoom Lumix? I highly doubt it. That's why I am still sticking to prosumer models rather than moving up to the dSLR family...

Oh! During lunch, I found out that I-Ning used to shoot slides! So cool! And She offered to lend me her slide projector should I ever want to borrow. Then I asked if she's selling. Haha! She said gotta ask her husband first. But no la... doubt I'll buy a slide projector. Will just take a few rolls for its vivid colors, then if I really really like slides, I MIGHT consider good scanner. =)

Oh wells... back to sticking red stickers!

Love me if you dare... 15:22
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Hmm...

Today as I walked home from the interchange after returning a library book and wanting to save 42cents, I witnessed before my very eyes, missing the photographic opportunity of a magnificent sunset. Shucks... And you know what the worst thing was? I could've gone home straight from the MRT and caught the sunset! Coz I could've asked my mum to return the book tomorrow when she goes to work! Aww man!!!

This got me thinking... If I knock off on the spot tomorrow, and if I rushed like most of the humans working in the CBD rushed (which I haven't been doing for a REALLY long time), then maybe I might be able to reach AMK MRT abit before 6:30pm. Then I'll take a bus to the bus stop outside Peirce Secondary, and walk into Lower Peirce with my camera & tripod (which I would've lugged along to work in the morning with my 1343pg book, excluding bibliography, indices, glossary, and acknowledgements) and wait for the sunset, AND I would have a book to read meanwhile. AND because it ain't a weekend, there'd be less meddlesome kids running about, catching lots of crayfish for who-knows-what.

Hmm... *nods* Sounds good! But that'd mean a heavy bag tomorrow... Maybe I shouldn't bring my book. That'll save me about 2kg+.

As I was walking home through AMK Town Garden West just now, I also started to think maybe it's time I start jogging and losing some of the small amount of fats built up on my abdominal area. Nowadays when I sit, I look down and see one line right across my belly... Not particularly alarming but fleetingly disconcerting to say the least. Much as I do not care about my physical size, I do not wish to one day regret that I've gotten too fat for my liking. Besides, constant running will build up my stamina, to which my IPPT have proven to be nearly too much for me. With some luck and perseverance, and discipline, of course, I might even be able to get a gold! $400! Wow! For an hour or so of suffering a year, I get $400... ni-i-ice. No wonder it's called an "incentive"... *grin*

Ok... I'm starting to dream.

Did I mention that I've been doing alot of online shopping lately? This sucks man. Money just flows away... ever so silently. Haha! I'm thinking of selling my dedicated film scanner, and using that money + some more, to buy a flatbed scanner capable of scanning films! That way, I can scan in my paper drawings too! I have to say, even with a WACOM Graphire 4, nothing beats drawing with pen (or pencil) and paper.

K la... I shall end off here. Actually, there're lots of mundane things to write about... most of which do not add value to you whether you know it or not. So I shall leave them out and spare (or put) you (into) torture.

Adios amigos! =)

Love me if you dare... 22:45
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Of Women and Farts

A thought just occurred to me... but lemme tell you how this thought formed in the first place:

Here I am, sitting in my cubicle (in the office) after lunch... and I feel an impending bubble of flatulence approaching. So considerate me held it in for awhile, controlling my rectal sphincter to release small amounts of gas so that I know how smelly it is. Well, I wouldn't say it reeks but it sure is smelly enough to be noticeable. So I held the rest in.

As we all know, the more you hold your flatulence in, the more it accumulates in the rectum, and the more you have the urge to fart. Thanks to strong sphincters, I managed to hold it in some more. And while holding it in, the question or thought is born.

Do women produce less gas? Or do they hold everything in and release it in a near-atomic explosion in the toilet? Or do they just have less microflora in their guts to metabolise and thus produce less gas? OR, do they eat less than men and thus, the amounts of food that is metabolised by gut bacteria results in less gas produced?

Anyways, this led me to do a wee bit of research:

If you paid attention to your flatulence, you would've noticed that sometimes farts are super-airy and not so pungent... This are the farts that gives you a damn shiok feeling after you release it coz... well... you released it. Yet, there are those times when you just feel a tiny bubble of fart in you, and you release it, and your anus feels kinda hot when the fart passes it, and soon you whiff the deadly scent that you wished you hadn't released in the midst of so many people, and you start looking for a scapegoat to put the blame on.

Well, did you know that the airier farts derive from the air that you swallow, and since the body absorbs oxygen, by the time the air reaches your rectum, it's mostly nitrogen and carbon dioxide. And this gas bubble gets warmed up to at most body temperature. Hence, you don't feel the heat.

On the other hand, the smellier, tinier, hotter farts derive from bacterial action in your gut. Firstly, metabolism produces heat, hence the hot gas. Secondly, sulphurous compounds in your diet gets broken down into things like hydrogen sulfide and mercaptans, which are the main source of stink. That is why, stinkier farts are hot and smaller in quantity because... well, imagine if you had a big hot bubble of fart that stinks bad. Your ass will burn and the noses around you will burn as well. Hahaha!

Well, just another day at CSC. Haha! Back to filing! =)

Love me if you dare... 14:14
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Dead Puppet

Hi y'all!

See, I was so bored today at CSC that I decided to draw something that looks sad. Haha! The first one is a color scan of my drawing...

This one's a black & white scan... more contrast. Saved me the trouble of post-processing. Haha!

Yep! Looks sad doesn't it? Like, lost in some corner and forgotten... after all the years of play.

I'm gonna use it for my blogskin some day. Yay!

Anyways, I was just told that a certain friend of mine is gonna go travelling... Thailand, Vietnam... and probably many more countries... for what? Photography! Wah lau... hai... Life just isn't fair. Money goes to those who don't need it... And to those who need it... hai.

K, I know I shouldn't be classifying myself as one of those "who need it". There're helluva lot more people who needs that money. But argh!!! It's just irritating!

I've decided to try selling my photos online... might earn me some extra moola... And if I'm gonna continue selling my photos online, I need a better camera for better resolution. Meaning... hmm... FZ50 at the very least? Haha! Canon S5IS? Fuji... something? Nope, I have yet to want to buy a dSLR yet. >10x zoom is too uber-licious to pass up, even though I get better performance, a clearer OPTICAL viewfinder, SUPER battery life, ULTRA performance at high ISO... oh man... shit... Anyways, I shall start off with 5MP pictures first, which are considered medium sized on a scale of XS - XXL, I think, and see how things go.

Ok! Gonna watch cartoons and read my book interchangeably now...

Missing you...

Love me if you dare... 21:56
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Screwed up...

It's one of those sucky nights where everything's not going well.

The weather is bloody hot... sweating even with the fan at speed 3.

Stupid Photoshop just shut down for no reason, wiping out all my work... TWICE!!!

Blue error screen once, had to restart my com. Would have wiped out all my unsaved work but I wasn't really doing any.

Maybe it's time to get a newer, more powerful laptop... something like a triple platform Mac with Core 2 Quad and 320GB HDD maybe? Then I can have Leopard, XP and Linux to play around with... and if it lasts, it'll last a long long long long time.

As if that's ever gonna happen...

And now Blogger.com cannot be contacted... what the hell...

I think I'll go to sleep. Sleeping always makes things better. Good (or not-so-good) night...

Love me if you dare... 00:12
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Monday, April 07, 2008

Work work work!!! =)

Yay! Today, work was pretty good. Had things to do instead of shopping online and probably spending more money than I know.

I had to dig out some old files to look at the details so that I could update a register on our department's shared folder. So I needed to tally the register's files and the files that I have physically in the cupboard... That took up some time... And then, I had to copy the information from the files onto a piece of paper, then type it out in the spreadsheet again, so that took up more time. And now, I got nothing to do again. Haha!

Oh ya, in the morning, I rearranged a whole lot of files to free up some space in the crammed cupboards. So that took up my morning! =)

Anyways, during lunch, dad called to say he's got a free handphone to claim from Singtel, then he asked me for my phone model, say wanna see if can get purple one. Yay! Hahaha! But then, after awhile, I thought, what for get another same model phone? Might as well get a different phone with a different form factor and functions. So I called him to tell him not to get. So now I'm looking at new phones available at Singtel! Haha!

Ok, yesterday I spent a nice evening with my dad & mum. We went to Lower Peirce Reservoir Park coz they wanted me to bring them to places that I go... So my intention yesterday was to go and try to take photos of the sunset that I've mentioned to be so beautiful the past few days.

Well, as luck would have it, the evening gathered heavy and mean-looking storm clouds which very effectively (to my dismay) blotted out the setting sun. Nevertheless, I took some shots of the contrast between a darkened sky and a golden sunset. And after some stitching and enhancing, I've uploaded that (and a few other photos from way back) onto my photosite! Yay! Please feel free to have a look. Well, it's just a couple of them so u can wait till I've added more photos to slowly sift through them again. =)

Anyways, back to new phones... I dunno what to get leh... *sigh* Nice phones with good functions are hard to get these days. I'm not even asking for every function lor... In fact, just looks alone is hard enough to find. GAH! Maybe I should get a purple Samsung U700 after all... and sell my black one. Woohoo! Or maybe dad should just get mum a Nokia phone since she's so used to the Nokia's UI. *shrugs*

Oh oh oh!!! I'm super excited about the night hike I'm gonna have on the 30th night! So far there'd be 4 ppl, including myself. I'd like for another 2 to join, then it'd be enough. But even if it's just 4, it's good too! Haha! Can't wait for it to come!!! *shivers with excitement* In fact, I guess it's the most anticipated activity after wanting to go back to Brisbane... Tee-hee!

Ok, back to shopping online!

Love me if you dare... 16:24
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Carnage

Heya!

'Tis another boring day at CSC... but not as boring as yesterday la. I did more work than yesterday. But still, I had the time to complete my vent-drawing of Carnage.

Original:

Post-processed:

I like post-processed better. I added more contrast (coz the scanner didn't do my drawing justice), added some highlights on the symbiote strands, and added more color on the seething mass of symbiote at the base of psychotic Kletus Cassidy has-been.

K, just wanted to show my drawing. =) Yay! Gonna put this up on DeviatART... cool!

Love me if you dare... 21:34
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Revelation with too much free time.

My first day at CSC... nothing to do at all. I stoned my day away, reading Biblical topics online, learning how to draw an eye, attempted to bring to life the pictures that I see in my mind's eye when I read Revelation... but failing miserably. I think when I fail to do something I want to, I resort to carnage, releasing the tempest within me that I have pent up.

So I indulge in doodling Carnage, the Marvel Comics villain. Because he's a humanoid character, I can never draw his whole body to my satisfaction. I just can't nail the proportions of human anatomy... Anyways, I just drew him to the waist, in agony. Maybe when I'm done coloring him in, I'll scan it and post it up here.

Meanwhile, you guys have to be content with the eyeball I drew, shot with my 3.2megapixel camera phone, imitated from an internet pencil drawing:

And this, an imitation of my own drawing of an imitation of an internet pencil drawing:

K... the first one is nicer... haha! Oh wells.

I'm gonna finish up my instant noodles and watch Spongebob now. Toodles!

Love me if you dare... 21:26
0 thoughts on this post

----------------------------------------