Colorless

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Of Women and Farts

A thought just occurred to me... but lemme tell you how this thought formed in the first place:

Here I am, sitting in my cubicle (in the office) after lunch... and I feel an impending bubble of flatulence approaching. So considerate me held it in for awhile, controlling my rectal sphincter to release small amounts of gas so that I know how smelly it is. Well, I wouldn't say it reeks but it sure is smelly enough to be noticeable. So I held the rest in.

As we all know, the more you hold your flatulence in, the more it accumulates in the rectum, and the more you have the urge to fart. Thanks to strong sphincters, I managed to hold it in some more. And while holding it in, the question or thought is born.

Do women produce less gas? Or do they hold everything in and release it in a near-atomic explosion in the toilet? Or do they just have less microflora in their guts to metabolise and thus produce less gas? OR, do they eat less than men and thus, the amounts of food that is metabolised by gut bacteria results in less gas produced?

Anyways, this led me to do a wee bit of research:

If you paid attention to your flatulence, you would've noticed that sometimes farts are super-airy and not so pungent... This are the farts that gives you a damn shiok feeling after you release it coz... well... you released it. Yet, there are those times when you just feel a tiny bubble of fart in you, and you release it, and your anus feels kinda hot when the fart passes it, and soon you whiff the deadly scent that you wished you hadn't released in the midst of so many people, and you start looking for a scapegoat to put the blame on.

Well, did you know that the airier farts derive from the air that you swallow, and since the body absorbs oxygen, by the time the air reaches your rectum, it's mostly nitrogen and carbon dioxide. And this gas bubble gets warmed up to at most body temperature. Hence, you don't feel the heat.

On the other hand, the smellier, tinier, hotter farts derive from bacterial action in your gut. Firstly, metabolism produces heat, hence the hot gas. Secondly, sulphurous compounds in your diet gets broken down into things like hydrogen sulfide and mercaptans, which are the main source of stink. That is why, stinkier farts are hot and smaller in quantity because... well, imagine if you had a big hot bubble of fart that stinks bad. Your ass will burn and the noses around you will burn as well. Hahaha!

Well, just another day at CSC. Haha! Back to filing! =)

Love me if you dare... 14:14
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