Colorless

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Miss me?

I'm sorry if it feels as though I haven't been wanting to talk to you. I miss you alright, I do. But I can't talk to you so late in the night knowing that you've gotta get up early and study the next day! I want so much to, but I can't. Even though you yourself are willing to stay up late to talk to me, I can't bear to know you'll be tired and easily grumpy and frustrated the next day.

So I try forcing you to sleep early by going to bed early myself. In the end, do you sleep early? Not much earlier. You go out and have fun late into the nights. You say you miss me. I believe you. But apparently not enough to come home earlier to talk. Yes, I know you're having fun outside with your friends. And you don't have to feel guilty that I'm alone at home and not going out with my friends. In the first place, I was the one who decided to stay home. So it's got nothing to do with you. But I would've thought that we're so far apart and with so little time for communication, you'd at least sacrifice abit of your fun sometimes to come home and talk. I mean, I'm not asking you to do that everyday. But you don't even do that! And my excuse all the time was for you to sleep early, not wanting you to fall sick because of a weakened immune system due to lack of rest. But it seems like my advice has fallen on deaf ears. I feel like I'm such a nag somtimes.

But it's alright. Y'know what? I think you're old enough to decide your own limits. As of now, I will fight myself to stay up late worrying about where you are, what you're doing and who you're with. I trust that you are sensible enough to come home with someone if you're gonna be out late. So I won't nag you to come home early. I won't whine and say I miss you, even though I really miss you like hell. I'm envious of your carefree and happy life. But I'm not jealous. I'm happy for you. And I'm only doing what I'm doing because I know life is hard to begin with. So I have no choice but to bite my tongue and press on for now.

I love you. And I'll be missing you. But you won't hear too much of that...

Love me if you dare... 15:21
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