Colorless

Saturday, August 30, 2008

*nag nag nag*

It's 3am... plus... I don't know if you're home already, but if you were supposed to call me before you sleep, that means you haven't slept yet. And having netball at 11am, you're not gonna be having enough sleep, enough rest! How can I not worry? Well, I can't. But I can't nag at you either because I don't control your life, and I am no one to tell you what to do.

*sigh* I'm not angry you know... I just really don't understand. Yes, of course you can take care of yourself... I have no doubts about that at all. Yes, you don't need me to keep nagging at you and telling you how to run your life... of course you don't. But you're not proving that you can take care of yourself! You're not showing that you're taking care of your body like you ought to. Sure, you can take it, you're young and your body can deal with the little rest that it gets every once in awhile. I understand that too... and that's why I'm not bugging you. But I just hope that you understand how I feel. I don't want you to feel faint or excessively tired, to the point of falling sick even. Because when you eventually do because of your lack of rest, I tell you, I'm so gonna start stopping you from this and that activity... or give you a curfew or something.

But y'know what? I'm not gonna say anything. In fact, I'm just gonna copy this whole chunk of text and paste it in my not-so-happy blog... yeap. And then I'm gonna blog about my time at COMEX...

*sigh*

Love me if you dare... 01:29
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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

... speechless...

So I told you that I wasn't happy that Charles piggy-backed you. Apparently, you didn't think there was anything wrong with it since Jono piggy-backed Karen too. Well, Karen's not my girlfriend so I don't care what she does with other guys... YOU are MY girlfriend and I don't like it that other guys are carrying you and piggybacking you, even if it's just on the spot k!

But since you don't think it's anything worth making a fuss about, even after I told you that I thought it was special to me, well... *shrugs* Suits me. I wouldn't like to piggyback u anymore... even if I do, it wouldn't be anything special anymore.

Something's wedging between us... perhaps it's subtle, but if things are not gonna change, I'm afraid to think what's it gonna be like in the future...

I'm kinda disappointed, honestly. I used to tell people who're having relationship troubles not to lower theirr expectations in their partners or partners-to-be. Now it seems like I'll have to lower mine too. Now I understand why it's so difficult for the others... because you're just not willing to let go, so you'd rather lower those expectations to reduce the hurt, even though you deserve more than this... so much more...

Love me if you dare... 23:11
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Sunday, August 24, 2008

*grrrr!!!*

I REALLY hate that you're having so much fun with HIM!

Saw Karen's blog with pictures on the stupid Jason Mraz concert day that HE was carrying YOU... How would you like if I carried Esther on my back and have some good clean fun? As really close friends? No, you wouldn't like it at all.

Then you'll say, but I might fall for her again. So it's always back to how I've been unfaithful and nearly dumped you for her... You can't get over it can you? Well, I don't expect you to get over it just like that, but after all these months of solitude on my part, shouldn't that put your mind at ease, at least a little bit?

I hate hate hate hate hate Charles... I'm never going back to Brisbane as long as he's there!

It's not your fault... I just didn't like him from the beginning.

And I don't like Jason Mraz too... he reminds me of Charles. Although you said you already liked him before you got to know Charles, he still reminds me of him...

I so wanna swear right now...

Love me if you dare... 14:11
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Sunday, August 10, 2008

Wrong Expectations

Am I asking for too much?

Ok, I know technically, I didn't even ask. But ya... I feel like you're always spending time with them, hanging out at 3 Monkeys, eating supper, staying up, staying over, playing board games or chit chatting into the wee hours of the night.

I know I know... it's all part and parcel of living the free life overseas. And like I said before, I wouldn't wanna deprive you of that. Really. I just thought that maybe you could've taken the initiative and have me slightly higher on your priority ladder, as I have you. Maybe you could decline some of those all-too-frequent hanging-outs and spend time at home with me or something.

Tomorrow you'd be going to Ekka... with him.

*sigh*

I hope you enjoy yourself. Looks like another talkless night again.

I just got an SMS from you. It's been more than an hour since I told you I'm gonna sleep. I guess you only have time for me when your time with the rest has eased up abit eh? But that's ok. Time flies when you're having fun... and I really am glad you're enjoying yourself.

I know this sounds quite selfish. Maybe I'm asking for too much...

Am I?

"I've been up all night, you've been puttin' up a fight.
Seems like nothin' I say gets through.
How did this old bed fit a world between me and you.
We said "Goodnight" but the silence was so thick
you could cut it with a knife.
We've hit the wall again and there's nothin' I can do.
You're the one, yea, I've put all my trust in your hands.
C'mon and look in my eyes, here I am, here I am

You don't understand me, my baby.
You don't seem to know that I need you so much.
You don't understand me, my feelings,
the reason I'm breathin', my love

The mornin' comes and you're reaching out for me
just like everything's the same
and I let myself believe things are gonna change.
When you kiss my mouth and you hold my body close,
do you wonder who's inside?
Maybe there's no way we could feel each other's pain.
Tell me why it gets harder to know where I stand.
I guess loneliness found a new friend, here I am

You don't understand me...

You don't seem to get me, my baby.
You don't really see that I live for your touch.
You don't understand me,
My dreams or the things I believe in, my love.
You don't understand me.
You don't understand me.
Understand me..."

Roxette: You Don't Understand Me

Love me if you dare... 00:01
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Thursday, August 07, 2008

Right...

So it's frustrating for you? Well, how about when I come home and cook dinner, and after dinner I just wanna have a nice time talking to you but I come online and have it told to my face that, hey, you're going out for dim sum. Talk to me later.

What gives?

So I went offline and thought of something to do: lay like a corpse infront of the TV. When midnight came and I haven't heard anything from you, I guessed you might be out having fun till late, since Jun said that you 2 weren't going for lecture the next day. Fine with me. But I need to work. So I decided to just give you a ring to say good night. But you were busy with directing Jun to drive, so I said it's ok la... and I hung up and I prepared to go to sleep.

Then you told me that you wanted to Skype, and I wanted to too, so I went online and got on Skype. But I told you what I was unhappy about, and it seemed like you didn't wanna Skype anymore because we might just be online and be silent. So I assured you that I won't be angry and I won't meddle with your life over there anymore, and asked again if you wanted to Skype. And you keep pushing the decision over to me! So finally I gave up and decided that I was in no mood to Skype too anymore. So I got offline and went to sleep. Turned my phone off too coz I really was quite pissed.

Love me if you dare... 09:27
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Saturday, August 02, 2008

Neglected...

I guess I do feel neglected every now and then. Especially nowadays.

It's not your fault, I know. You're just hanging out with good friends and having a good time. I would want you to do that too... it's just that... well... maybe you could miss me more during your happier times? Not just when you're lonely or when you play games and think of my absence and feel like crying? Or when it's night and u wanna sleep and you "have to hear my voice before you can fall asleep".

Gosh, I'm much needier than I thought I am.

Anyhow, yes. I feel pretty neglected. And what's with Charles always staying over at your place? K, I'm jealous that he always gets to spend time with you and make you laugh and make you happy, creating lots and lots of memories with you... so much so that you hate him for even thinking of leaving... *sigh* It says something you know... at least to me. =(

So he stayed over last night because you guys need to go Guyatt Park early to reserve the pits. What I didn't get was, why does it need to be him? After all, it's just reservation right? Couldn't it be done by just you and Vic or someone staying close by?

Ah-h-h, nevermind. You'll just think that I'm jealous and tease me about it. I'm not gonna harp on this matter. I'll pretend that he doesn't exist...

Gah! =(((

Love me if you dare... 22:26
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